Do You Struggle with Negative Self-Talk?

Hi, it’s Juliana!

If you’re struggling with negative self-talk, you’re in the right place.

To overcome negative self-talk, you must practice positive self-talk.

This page has two excellent resources that help you do this:

  • How to Increase Self-Compassion by Dr. Yedidya Levy (Video Lesson)
  • Letters of Self-Compassion (Writing Activity)

How does self-compassion help you practice positive self-talk?

  • It helps you shift your focus from constant self-criticism to acknowledging and accepting your imperfections with kindness.
  • It helps you better manage emotions, reducing tendencies to catastrophize or dwell excessively on negative thoughts.
  • It encourages a forgiving attitude towards yourself, which is essential for maintaining a positive self-dialogue.

I hope you find this page helpful.


How to Increase Self-Compassion by Dr. Yedidya Levy

Writing Activity: “Letters of Self-Compassion”

What You’ll Need

  • A notebook or journal
  • A pen or pencil
  • A comfortable and private space for writing

Let’s Begin

1. Understanding Self-Compassion

First, let’s talk about the term “self-compassion.”

It means being warm and understanding toward ourselves.

For example, instead of thinking:

“I’m so stupid. I can’t believe I didn’t see what was happening. It was right in front of me. I should’ve stood up for myself and left sooner.”

We shift our perspective and think:

“It’s hard to spot manipulative behavior, especially when it comes from someone close. I was doing the best I could in a confusing situation.”

This nurturing attitude towards ourselves is vital for recovery and rebuilding self-esteem after such deeply challenging experiences.

2. Time for Reflection

Now that you have a better understanding of self-compassion, please reflect on your experiences with narcissistic abuse.

Pro Tip: If you don’t know how to do this, try asking yourself these self-reflective questions. I did, and it helped me a lot.

  • “What are the specific emotions and thoughts I experience when I think about the narcissistic abuse, and how have they influenced my daily life and relationships?”
  • “How did the narcissistic behavior impact my self-esteem, decision-making, and overall view of myself, and what steps can I take to rebuild a healthier self-image?”
  • “What coping mechanisms or behaviors did I develop as a result of the narcissistic abuse, and how have these influenced my reactions and decisions in various aspects of my life?”
  • “How has the abuse altered my perception of personal boundaries and self-respect, and what steps can I take to strengthen and reaffirm these boundaries in my current life situation?”

3. Writing Your Letter

Now, I’d like you to write a letter to yourself from a perspective of unconditional love and understanding. 

Need help figuring out what to write? Here are some ideas:

  • Write to your past self at a moment you felt most impacted by the abuse. What words of understanding and support would you offer?
  • Think about the times you felt overwhelmed by your emotions due to the abuse. How can you acknowledge these feelings with compassion and understanding in your letter?
  • Think about the coping mechanisms you developed as a result of the abuse. How can you gently acknowledge their role and express an understanding of why they were necessary at the time?
  • If there are regrets or “what ifs I had just done [blank]” that linger in your mind about the abuse, how can you address them with a perspective of learning and growth rather than self-blame?

4. Reflect on Your Letter

After writing your letter, take some time to reflect on what you wrote. If you’re comfortable, feel free to share parts of your letter or your feelings about this exercise with the group (click here to join. It’s free.) or with me.

5. Wrapping Up

As we close this activity, remember the importance of self-compassion and the strength it takes to be kind to oneself after such challenging experiences. Keep this letter and refer to it whenever you need a reminder of your worth and resilience.

6. Final Thoughts

I encourage you to write these letters regularly, especially during tough times, as a tool for nurturing self-compassion. 

Thank you for participating in this exercise. Remember, you are worthy of kindness and compassion, especially from yourself.