How to Release Anger After Narcissistic Abuse

On a scale of 1 to 10, how angry are you at the narcissist?

I’m guessing it’s a little more than 1 — and that’s okay.

You have every right to be angry.

In fact, I don’t even want you to stop being angry — at least, not yet.

Because today, I’m going to teach you a three-step process that a woman we worked with used to turn her anger into positive action — and then release it in a healthy, empowering way.

If we’re just meeting — my name is Juliana Akin. I’m a founder of Unfilteredd, and we help you overcome the effects of narcissistic abuse so you can heal and move forward with your life.

Step 1: Outline What Happened

The first step is to outline what happened because you can’t process the anger you’re feeling if you don’t understand the full extent of what you’re angry about.

The woman we worked with did this by sitting down with a notebook and writing it out — not just one event, but everything that had built up over time that was making her angry.

The four prompts she used to do this were:

1. “What things, big or small, have made you feel angry?”
2. “When you think about those situations, what made them cross the line for you?”
3. “How did they make you feel then, and how do they make you feel now?” 
4. “Is there any anger you’ve been downplaying that still affects you?”

These prompts helped her paint a complete picture of the anger she was feeling and gave her a lot of information that helped her move through the second and third steps of this process.

So I highly recommend you use them too.

Step 2: Express Everything You’ve Been Suppressing

The second step is to express everything you’ve been suppressing.

Not just the anger, but all the other emotions too.

This is such an important part of releasing stored-up anger because with narcissists, being neutral is often the only so-called emotion you’re allowed to express.

If you’re happy, they find a way to ruin it.

If you’re frustrated, they find a way to invalidate you.

And if you’re sad, they guilt-trip you for “ruining the mood.”

So you learn to bottle everything up because it’s just not worth the trouble.

And when you’re forced to hold back your emotions like this, they don’t go away — they build up inside you, fueling your anger for days, weeks, months, even years.

So, the woman we worked with started expressing herself by using an emotion wheel.

Image Credits: Emotion Wheel by Sydtomcat, licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/

She’d explore the different emotions, look up the definition, then check in with herself to see if it was something she had been suppressing.

There wasn’t anything specific she used here to determine whether or not she had been suppressing an emotion— she just went with her gut.

And if she felt like she had been suppressing something, she’d look for a way to express it. 

For example, one of the emotions she identified was sadness.

So for a while, she wrote poetry about how she was feeling.

But if this isn’t your thing…

No problem because there are so many different ways you can express your emotions, such as:

• Wrapping yourself in blankets
• Drawing a map of your mind
• Blasting music that matches your mood
• Writing a letter you’ll never send
• Or painting with your fingers

And if you’re ever feeling stuck or unsure how to express yourself, you can try using Gemini or ChatGPT to help you brainstorm ideas with the following prompt:

“What are 10 ways I can express [insert emotion]?”

For example, you could ask “What are 10 ways I can express joy?”

And it will give you a great list you can work from. All you have to do is choose the form of expression that you feel most comfortable with and give it a try.

Step 3: Release the Energy the Anger Created

The third step is to release the energy the anger created in your body.

Anger isn’t just a thought or feeling — it’s a physical energy, driven by adrenaline, cortisol, and other hormones that prepare your body to fight or flee. 

When you don’t have the time or space to release that energy, it gets trapped in your body, showing up as things like:

• Muscle tension
• Fatigue
• Trouble sleeping
• Headaches
• Or feeling on edge all the time. 

And the longer it stays trapped, the worse the symptoms get.

So, the woman we worked with had two approaches for completing this step.

The first approach was addressing the needs that were left unmet.

You see, anger often shows up because something important was missing — like respect, being listened to, honesty, fairness, or communication.

And as long as those needs stay unmet, your anger will stay alive, and the energy it creates will stay trapped in your body.

To figure out what that need was, she’d take one of the situations she wrote down in the first step of this process and ask herself:

“What did I need in that moment that could have prevented the anger I’m feeling now?”

Then we’d talk through her answer and come up with a healthy way to meet that need.

For example, one of the things that angered her most was feeling like her voice didn’t matter. 

So she wrote out everything she wished she could have said about a specific situation, and talked it through with people she trusts.

This helped her feel heard, and the responses she received from the people she shared with reminded her that her voice really did matter.

If you’d like help with this approach, don’t forget my team and I offer free one-on-one sessions seven days a week. 

You can click here to sign up. 

Helping people overcome the effects of narcissistic abuse so they can heal and move forward with their lives is what we do — 24/7, 365. 

So if you ever need us, we’re here.

The second approach was turning her anger into positive action.

What this means is using your anger as fuel to do something that has a positive impact on you, your social circle, your community, your country, or the world.

When you channel your anger into a good purpose, it gives the energy a productive path out of your body, helping you move forward instead of pulling you backward or keeping you stuck.

To do this, she’d ask herself, “Where can I use this energy to create a positive impact — on myself, my social circle, my community, my country, or the world?”

Then she’d brainstorm for a while, choose what felt right, and go do that thing.

Sometimes it was exercising three times a week.

Other times it was volunteering at a soup kitchen. 

And the last time we spoke, she was thinking about mentoring students at her local high school.

The point I’m trying to make is that anger can be a superpower when you channel it in the right way. 

But with that being said…

If you decide to try this second approach, keep in mind: you can’t pour from an empty cup. So please, focus on creating a positive impact for yourself first — before helping others.

Final Thoughts

To help you get started, in the next episode, I’m going to walk you through some of the ways people in our community have improved their lives after experiencing narcissistic abuse.

Here at Unfilteredd, we believe healing is possible — even when it feels impossible. And I hope this next episode helps turn you into a believer too.

I’ll link it here as soon as it’s posted.

Read Now: How Our Members Have Improved Their Lives After Experiencing Narcissistic Abuse

Thank you for reading today’s episode of the Unfilteredd: Narcissistic Abuse podcast.

If this was helpful and you’d like to read the next one, please subscribe to our newsletter — we’ll let you know as soon as the next episode is released.

My name is Juliana Akin — your guide to overcoming the effects of narcissistic abuse — and I can’t wait to connect with you in a future episode.

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