If the Narcissist Made You Feel Ugly, Read This

Narcissists don’t just damage your mental health. 

They change your physical appearance too. 

The stress causes your body to react in ways you can’t control. 

The way they treat you shows up in skin, eyes, weight, hair — even posture. 

And this can leave you feeling like the most unattractive person on the planet.

So, in today’s episode, I’m going to teach you a three-step process a woman we’re working with used to feel more attractive and comfortable in her own skin — so you can use it too.

If we’re just meeting — my name is Juliana Akin. I’m a founder of Unfilteredd, and we help you overcome the effects of narcissistic abuse so you can heal and move forward with your life.

Step 1: Accept Your Starting Point

The first step is accepting your starting point.

This means being honest about where you are right now without fighting it, denying it, judging it, running from it, or comparing it to someone else’s starting point.

The woman we’re working with did this by describing her starting point in a simple, neutral tone the same way a weather reporter would describe the weather.

They don’t say, “The weather looks disgusting today.”

They simply share facts:

• “It’s cloudy.”
• “The temperature is 80 degrees.”
• “There’s a chance of rain.”
• “The wind is strong from the north.”
• “Humidity is at 70%.”

They do this because saying, “The weather looks disgusting today” doesn’t help the people listening understand how to prepare for their day.

But when they say, “It’s 80 degrees,” the listeners know how to dress. When they say, “There’s a chance of rain,” they know to bring an umbrella.

And the same is true for you. When you describe your starting point in a simple, neutral tone, you give yourself the information you need to take the first step.

So, grab something to write or type with, put on your imaginary weather reporter hat, and take as much time as you need to make an honest assessment of where you are right now.

If you’re not sure where to begin, questions like these can help:

1. How does my body feel these days?
2. Am I at a weight that feels healthy for me?
3. Do I get enough sleep?
4. Do I eat regular meals that are good for my body?
5. Do I drink enough water?
6. Do I get enough exercise?
7. Do I go to the doctor and dentist when I need to?
8. How much energy do I have these days?
9. What do I see when I look in the mirror?
10. Do I feel comfortable in my clothes right now?

Step 2: Take Control of What You Can

The second step is taking control of what you can.

There are a million different ways you could go about this. 

But in our experience, the best way is to keep it simple: make a list of the areas that need improvement, and focus on improving one of them every day. 

The woman we’re working with did this by creating a checklist.

This list had everything she needed to do to make sure the basics were being met.

We’re talking things like:

• Getting enough sleep
• Eating healthy food
• Drinking enough water
• Exercising
• Brushing her teeth
• Showering regularly

But she didn’t try to do everything at once.

She kept doing what she was already doing, and focused on building one new habit at a time.

When she could do that one consistently, she added another, then another, until she could handle everything on the checklist in a single day.

This is an important step because your appearance — and how you feel about it — can be such a complicated challenge to face because of how personal it is.

But at the same time, there’s a simple solution: if you focus on going through your checklist and improving just a little bit every day, you will become more attractive. There’s no debating that.

Here’s the problem though: no matter how much you improve, there will always be someone who looks better, or has something you wish you had. That’s just how life works.

So at some point, you have to accept what you have and what you don’t — and believe that you’re beautiful, worthy, and enough as you are.

And getting to that point doesn’t just happen by following a checklist. There’s a lot of internal work that needs to be done. 

Step 3: Improve Your Mental Health

That’s why the third step is improving your mental health.

More specifically, I mean changing the way your thoughts, feelings, emotions, and beliefs shape your sense of who you are and what you’re worth.

There’s no single tactic I can give you for this part. 

You most likely have to work with a professional who understands narcissistic abuse.

This is because there are so many potential areas you might need help with.

For example, the woman we’re working with needed help:

• Improving her self-esteem
• Challenging negative self-talk
• Reshaping her identity
• And breaking the trauma bond

It wasn’t easy, but this work is what helped her start acknowledging and accepting how beautiful she is — both inside and out.

Of course, my team and I will continue sharing how the people we work with are overcoming the effects of narcissistic abuse, healing, and moving forward with their lives.

But this process looks different for everyone, so finding a mental health professional who can give you the right guidance and support is a really, really good idea.

Final Thoughts

To help you get started with finding a mental health professional, I’ve got two gifts for you.

The first is a free one-on-one session with someone from our team. 

You can click here to sign up.

Helping people overcome the effects of narcissistic abuse so they can heal and move forward with their lives is what we do — 24/7, 365. 

So if you ever need us, we’re here.

The second is next week’s episode, where I’ll teach you how to find the right professional support after experiencing narcissistic abuse.

And I’ll link it below as soon as it’s posted.

Read Now: How to Get the Right Professional Help After Narcissistic Abuse

Thank you for reading today’s episode of the Unfilteredd: Narcissistic Abuse podcast.

If this was helpful and you’d like to read the next one, please subscribe to our newsletter — we’ll let you know as soon as the next episode is released.

My name is Juliana Akin — your guide to overcoming the effects of narcissistic abuse — and I can’t wait to connect with you in a future episode.

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