November 25, 2024 at 2:04pm EST

Responding to Narcissistic Apologies

One reason it can be so hard to maintain firm boundaries with a narcissist is how sincere their fake apologies can feel.

Their go-to strategy is to dress up their apology with buzzwords and follow it up with promises to change.

An effective way to manage this is by asking them to articulate exactly what they’re apologizing for or what that change would look like.

For example, if the narcissist in your life said:

“I’m sorry if I made you feel like I wasn’t listening earlier. I care about what you’re saying. I’ll work on being more present in our conversations.”

You could respond: 

“Thank you for saying that. What do you think being more present in our conversations will look like moving forward?”

As a general rule, if they were being sincere, they’ll be able to clearly articulate what they did wrong or the change they plan on making.

But if they weren’t being sincere, they’ll most likely deflect, get defensive, or give vague responses that avoid taking real accountability or explaining how they plan to change.

All the best,

Juliana