September 23, 2024 at 2:00pm EST

Restoring Confidence in Your Memory

Hey,

Over the weekend, one of our new members asked for help because they’ve lost trust in their mind’s ability to recall events accurately.

For example, they question their memory of everyday conversations, wondering if what they remember actually happened.

As usual, they received a lot of great advice. But one response in particular really stood out to us: “Try using journaling and flashcards.”

What does this mean? 

Well, the person who gave this advice also lost trust in their memory because of all the gaslighting they experienced.

So, they’ve kept a detailed journal for the past few months and turned specific parts of their entries into flashcards. 

For example, if they journaled about a conversation they had with a friend, they might turn a joke that friend made into a flashcard, such as:

“What Joke Did Amanda Tell at the Restaurant Last Week?”

Then, a couple of days later, they’d take out their flashcards and test themselves, just like you would if you were studying for an exam.

We think this is a simple, practical, and outstanding strategy for rebuilding confidence in your memory after narcissistic abuse.

If you do too, here’s a guide:

How to Restore Confidence in Your Memory

1. Start a Journal

Write down key events, conversations, and feelings as they happen. You can choose to do this daily, weekly, or monthly—whatever feels manageable to you.

2. Review Your Entries

After the time frame you chose (e.g., after a day, week, or month), go back and read through your journal. Identify specific events or conversations that you want to focus on remembering.

3. Create Flashcards

For each important event or conversation, make a flashcard. Write a question about the event on one side (e.g., “What did I discuss with [friend] on [day]?”) and the answer on the other side.

4. Test Your Memory

Use the flashcards to quiz yourself on the details of these events. Try to recall the answer before flipping the card to check.

5. Track Your Progress

Regularly repeat this process to strengthen your memory. Note any improvements in your ability to recall details accurately.

What to Do If You Don’t Remember Everything

It’s okay if you don’t always remember everything —that’s normal! If you find that you don’t remember something on your flashcards, don’t worry. 

Just go back to your journal, review the details again, and try quizzing yourself later. The goal is to keep improving, not to be perfect. 

If this makes you feel upset or stressed, talking to a mental health professional who can give you more tips and support might be helpful.

All the best,

The Unfilteredd Team