November 8, 2024 at 2:17pm EST

This Is a POWERFUL Strategy

Hi, it’s Juliana, 

One of the most powerful strategies you can use to overcome the effect of narcissistic abuse is If/When-Then Plans.

This skill involves forming a plan that connects a cue (the “if” or “when” part) to an action (the “then” part).

For example, let’s say you don’t set boundaries because you believe you don’t deserve to ask for what you need.

Instead of saying:

“I will set more boundaries and stand up for what I need.” 

You could say:

“If/When I feel like I don’t deserve to set a boundary, then I’ll set it anyway because my needs are just as valid as the needs of others.”

I learned about this strategy from a psychologist named Robert Cialdini.

In one of his books, he discusses a study among hospitalized individuals struggling with drug addiction undergoing withdrawal. 

In this study, the researchers separated the people into two groups and asked them to complete an employment resume by the end of the day.

They told the first group to create resumes using If/When-Then Plans but didn’t give any particular instructions to the second group.

By the end of the day, 80% of the first group turned in a completed job resume, whereas 0% of the second group did.

The reason these plans are so effective is that they create an automatic response to a situation that would otherwise cause hesitation. 

And by linking a cue (the “if” or “when” part) to an action (the “then” part), you reduce the mental effort needed to decide what to do in the moment.

Over time, the healthy responses these plans help you build become second nature, allowing you to heal and move forward with your life.

All the best,

Juliana