November 13, 2024 at 2:04pm EST

Wait. Am I the Narcissist?

Question:

“I can’t shake the feeling I’m exaggerating, misinterpreting, or lying about our relationship. I’m scared that I’ve got it wrong, and I’m the narcissist.”

My Response:

This fear is a common effect of being in a relationship with a narcissist.

Why?

In my experience, a narcissist will do everything in their power to destroy your identity so they can rebuild it with their negative projections. 

Doing this allows them to point their finger at you and think to themselves, “I’m not the [negative characteristic]; they are.”

So, they condition you to doubt your perceptions and even your reality by constantly gaslighting, criticizing, and devaluing you.

Over time, these types of interactions can leave you questioning whether or not you’re exaggerating, misinterpreting, or lying about the relationship.

If you can relate to this at all, try asking yourself the following questions:

• Am I willing to listen and apologize when I’ve hurt someone?
• Do I take responsibility for my actions?
• Am I able to admit when I’m wrong?
• Do I respect others’ boundaries?
• Am I happy for my friends when good things happen to them?
• Am I comfortable when others succeed, even if I’m struggling?
• Do I allow others to express their opinions, even if I disagree?
• Can I set aside my feelings to support someone else’s needs?
• Do I accept hearing “no” without trying to change people’s minds?

The more questions you answer “yes” to, the more likely it is that you’re not the problem—and certainly not the narcissist.

This is because narcissistic people rarely, if ever, show empathy, self-awareness, or respect for others’ boundaries. 

So, by honestly answering “yes” to these questions, you’re displaying qualities that narcissists lack.

All the best,

Juliana