How to Build Self-Trust After Narcissistic Abuse

If a narcissist has left you feeling like you’ll never be able to trust yourself again…

Here’s a secret they don’t want you to know.

They didn’t destroy your self-trust — they buried it.

It’s not gone.

It’s hidden underneath all the lies and manipulation.

But you can dig it up by practicing self-trust in small moments…

And gradually working your way up to bigger ones.

So in this article, I’m going to teach you a two-step framework a woman we’re working with used to rebuild self-trust so you can use it too. 

You’ll learn what to do, how to do it, and Hannah Alderete, a therapist with 12 years of experience will explain why it works.

If we’re just meeting — my name is Juliana Akin. I’m a founder of Unfilteredd, and we help you overcome the effects of narcissistic abuse so you can heal and move forward with your life.

Step 1: Log You Decisions

The first step of this framework is to log your decisions.

Once or twice a day, take 5 to 10 minutes to reflect on the decisions you’ve made.

For example, the first time the woman we’re working with tried this step, she wrote:

• “I ate before leaving the house because I knew I’d be out for a while.”
• “I grabbed a jacket before heading out because it looked chilly.”
• “I stopped at a yellow light instead of trying to beat it.”
• “I spoke up during a meeting at work to share my idea.”
• “I plugged my phone in before bed because the battery was low.”

Then, for each one, answer the following in a journal or in the notes app on your device:

1. “What was the situation?”
2. “What did I do in response?”
3. “Did it have a positive or negative impact on me?”

For example, “What was the situation?” could be:

“I was getting ready to leave the house and wasn’t sure how long I’d be out.”

For “What did I do in response?” you might write:

“I brought a snack with me just in case.”

And for “Did it have a positive or negative impact on me?” you could write:

“Positive — I ended up needing it and was glad I had it.”

The goal here is to start noticing the decisions you make — and the impact they have on you.

Hannah says:

This first step is important because building self-trust means proving to yourself that you can rely on yourself.

When you’ve been through something like narcissistic abuse, you can start to feel like you can’t trust your own thoughts, feelings, or decisions, like everything you do might be wrong.

But the truth is, you already make good decisions every single day. The problem is, most of them happen so automatically that you don’t even notice, let alone give yourself credit for them.

This exercise helps you start recognizing those everyday decisions, so you can begin rebuilding that trust in yourself — one small, solid step at a time.

But that awareness can only take you so far, which is why the second step of this framework is about shifting from passively noticing your good decisions to intentionally making them.

Step 2: Practice Self-Expression

The second step is to practice self-expression.

This means regularly putting yourself in safe, low-stakes situations that require you to express what you think, feel, or need, and then logging the experience, just like you did in the first step.

For example, in the beginning, the woman we’re working with would go to Costco just to practice saying “yes” or “no” to the free samples they’re always offering.

Afterward, she would log it by answering:

• “What did I express?”
• “How did the other person respond?”
• “Did it have a positive or negative impact on me?”

Later on, she moved to slightly more uncomfortable things — like speaking up at a restaurant when her order was wrong, instead of staying quiet to avoid the awkwardness.

And she just kept upping the ante with her self-expression — until she reached a point where, today, setting boundaries in both low- and high-stakes situations feels second nature to her.

For example:

She recently declined a second date with someone who seemed to have narcissistic traits, and trusted that her instincts, her gut feeling about them, were reason enough.

And guess what?

• That person blew up.
• They said they never really wanted to go out in the first place.
• That she should be grateful they gave her their time.
• That she was making a big mistake.

But she didn’t budge — which was the cherry on top of this massive demonstration of self-trust.

If you decide to give this step a try, start small — just like she did.

If you’re ever unsure whether something counts as self-expression, ask yourself:

Does this require me to express what I actually think, feel, or need?

If the answer is yes — then it counts.

And last but certainly not least, log your acts of self-expression as often as you can so you can track your progress and the positive impact it’s having on your life.

Hannah says:

This second step is important because it takes the awareness you built in the first step — and turns it into action.

Like any new skill, building self-trust takes practice. So each time you express your thoughts, feelings, or needs, you’re laying down a new foundation for how you relate to yourself.

You’re moving from “I can’t make good decisions” to “I do make good decisions — and I can express myself in ways that support me.”

The more you practice, the more natural it becomes. And before long, trusting yourself won’t feel like a stretch — it’ll feel like second nature.

Final Thoughts

Don’t stop here — because rebuilding self-trust is only half the battle.

At some point, you’re going to need to learn how to trust others.

If you feel like you’ll never be able to trust another person again — I get it. I’ve been there.

And to be completely honest, some days, part of me is still there.

But I heard a quote from a psychologist once that really stuck with me.

He said:

“We’re so social that you can take the most antisocial human beings imaginable — psychopathic criminals — and punish them by putting them in solitary confinement.”

The point he was making is that connection is essential for our mental health.

I’m not going to sit here and try to get you to start trusting people tomorrow.

But I do believe it’s an important healing milestone to work toward.

So, in the next episode, I’ll walk you through a two-step framework a woman we’re working with used to build trust in others — so you can use it too.

And I’ll link to it below as soon as it’s posted.

Read Now: How to Build Trust in Others After Narcissistic Abuse

Thank you for reading today’s episode of the Unfilteredd: Narcissistic Abuse podcast. 

If this was helpful and you’d like to read the next one, please subscribe to our newsletter — we’ll let you know as soon as the next episode is released.

My name is Juliana Akin — your guide to overcoming the effects of narcissistic abuse — and I can’t wait to connect with you in a future episode.

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