How to Build Trust in Others After Narcissistic Abuse

If you’ve experienced narcissistic abuse and can’t imagine trusting anyone ever again, I get it.

But shutting everyone out can have a severe impact on your mental health. 

I once heard a psychologist say:

“We’re so social that you can take the most antisocial human beings imaginable — psychopathic criminals — and punish them by putting them in solitary confinement.”

The point he was making is that connection isn’t a luxury.

It’s essential for our mental health.

Now, I don’t think you should jump right into trusting people tomorrow.

But I do believe it’s an important healing milestone to work toward.

So today, I’m going to walk you through a two-step process a woman we’re working with is using to rebuild trust in others so you can get started too.

If we’re just meeting — my name is Juliana Akin. I’m a founder of Unfilteredd, and we help you overcome the effects of narcissistic abuse so you can heal and move forward with your life.

Step 1: Define What a Trustworthy Person Looks Like

The first step is to define what a trustworthy person looks like.

One way to do this is by writing down what you need in order to feel safe in a relationship.

Ask yourself questions like:

• What kinds of behaviors make me feel safe?
• What kinds of behaviors make me feel unsafe?
• How do I want to feel when I’m around this person?
• And what boundaries do I want the relationship to have?

Once you’ve done that, think about the qualities a person would need to have in order to make all of that possible.

To give you an example, the woman we’re working with had things like:

• Respects your boundaries
• Is reliable and consistent
• Takes accountability
• Is transparent and honest
• And is compassionate

This step is important because after going through narcissistic abuse, it can feel like you’re driving through a heavy fog.

You can’t see what’s ahead, and you don’t really know where to turn.

Defining what a trustworthy person looks like is like switching on your fog lights.

Things start to come into focus. You begin to see people and situations more clearly, and this allows you to begin rebuilding trust in a way that feels safe and secure.

But if you’re not sure what you need to feel safe in a relationship — or what a trustworthy person even looks like — we’re here to help.

You can click here to sign up for a free one-on-one session with someone from our team.

Helping people overcome the effects of narcissistic abuse so they can heal and move forward with their lives is what we do 24/7, 365. 

So if you ever need us, we’re here.

Step 2: Practice Small Acts of Trust

The second step of this process is to practice small acts of trust.

When you come across someone who seems to meet your definition of trustworthiness from the first step, try trusting them in small, low-risk ways.

For example, you might:

• Let them borrow something of yours
• Share a personal thought or experience
• Or make a casual plan to see if they follow through

If they handle these smaller moments of trust well, you can try building up to slightly bigger ones.

If they don’t, you have every right to stay where you are — or even pull back.

Trust is something that’s built one layer at a time.

So start with situations that don’t put you at major risk, and slowly work your way up from there.

Final Thoughts

Ernest Hemingway famously said:

“The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.” 

I couldn’t agree with this more, but before you can trust someone else, you have to trust yourself.

So, in the next episode, I’ll walk you through a two-step process someone we’re working with used to rebuild self-trust — so you can begin that journey too.

And I’ll link to it below as soon as it’s posted.

Read Now: How to Rebuild Self-Trust After Narcissistic Abuse

Thank you for reading today’s episode of the Unfilteredd: Narcissistic Abuse podcast. 

If this was helpful and you’d like to read the next one, please subscribe to our newsletter — we’ll let you know as soon as the next episode is released.

My name is Juliana Akin, your guide to overcoming the effects of narcissistic abuse — and I can’t wait to connect with you in a future episode.

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