How to Cope When Your Narcissistic Ex Moves On Quickly

If you’re struggling right now because your narcissistic ex has moved on and is now with someone else, you’re in the right place.

In this article, I’m going to share a four-part framework a woman we’re working with used to cope with this situation in a productive way — so you can use it too. 

You’ll learn what to do, how to do it, and Jennifer Parrella, a licensed professional counselor with 21 years of experience, will explain why this framework works.

If we’re just meeting — my name is Juliana Akin. I’m a founder of Unfilteredd, and we help you overcome the effects of narcissistic abuse so you can heal and move forward with your life.

Part 1: Practice Self-Care

The first part of this framework is practicing self-care.

When you’re going through something like this, self-care is non-negotiable. So, we always recommend giving your days a structure to help ensure your basic needs are being met.

This includes things like:

• Going to sleep and waking up around the same time so you’re getting enough sleep.
• Having a morning routine so you’re always showering, brushing your teeth, and, if prescribed, taking your medication.
• Scheduled meals and carrying a water bottle so you’re eating and drinking enough.
• And carving out time each day for exercise — or at the very least, getting outside for sunlight and fresh air.

According to Jennifer:

This first part is important because when you take care of your basic needs, it gives you the stability you need to regulate your emotions. 

Without that stability, the negative emotions triggered by seeing your ex move on so quickly will likely feel more intense and difficult to manage. 

Self-care helps lower that intensity, which ultimately makes coping easier.

Part 2: Limit Exposure

The second part of this framework is limiting exposure.

This means cutting down how much you see, hear about, or interact with your narcissistic ex and the people who support them as much as possible.

This could look like:

• Removing physical reminders of them from your space, such as gifts or photos.
• Turning off the “Memories” features on your devices.
• Unsubscribing from shared services, like Netflix, where you’d see their activity.
• Unfollowing them and people who might post about them on social media.
• Modifying your routine to avoid places where you might run into them, like the gym.
• Asking your friends and family not to give you updates.
• Or, if possible, blocking them everywhere and going no contact.

Jennifer says:

This second part is important because the fewer reminders you have of your ex and their new relationship, the fewer triggers you’ll have to cope with — and this makes the ups and downs that come with healing much easier to manage.

Part 3: Research

The third part of this framework is researching.

Now…

I wish you’d believe me straight away when I tell you that your ex’s ability to move on so quickly has nothing to do with you — and everything to do with them.

But it just doesn’t work like that — not when we’re in this much pain.

So, one of the best things you can do to start coming to terms with this reality is to do some research about why narcissists behave the way they do.

And I’d like to help you get started by sharing the most eye-opening explanation I know of: narcissists need narcissistic supply to survive.

Their upbringing left them with a sense of being unlovable, unwanted, inadequate, worthless, and weak — as well as without the emotional skills needed to manage those feelings.

To cope, they developed an unrealistically positive self-view that’s fueled by the validation, admiration, reassurance, power, and control (narcissistic supply) they extract from others.

This self-view acts as a psychological shield — suppressing all of the negative feelings they’re incapable of managing, but it requires a massive amount of supply to stay intact.

So, since relationships are often the biggest source of supply they have access to, when one ends, replacing it as quickly as possible is a fundamental requirement for their survival.

Because if they don’t, they’ll be flooded with all the unresolved trauma from their upbringing that they’re incapable of managing and it would destroy them psychologically.

So, in the same way you wouldn’t take it personally if someone dying of thirst drank your water without asking for permission, you shouldn’t take it personally that your ex moved on so quickly.

Because narcissistic supply is a fundamental requirement for their existence. 

But don’t just take my word for it — please go do some research on your own because according to Jennifer:

Knowledge is the foundation of coping. 

When you find the words to explain what you’re going through, it stops being a mess in your head that creates all this self-blame, self-doubt, and confusion — and becomes something you can understand, heal from, and move through.

Part 4: Get Support

The fourth part of this framework is getting support.

Ideally, this means working with a mental health professional who specializes in narcissistic abuse.

But, if that’s not an option, it’s about finding someone you trust who understands this type of abuse and is willing to be there for you when you need them.

That said, you have to be really careful here.

Narcissistic people are so good at hiding their abusive nature behind a positive, almost wholesome public image.

So when you do speak up to others about what happened, there’s a chance you might hear things like, “That doesn’t sound like them,” or “They would never say something like that.”

And this can be just as traumatizing as the abuse itself.

In our opinion, the most effective way to tell if someone is safe to open up to isn’t by sharing your own story — but by paying attention to how they respond to someone else’s.

A simple example of this could be saying something like:

“I read this woman’s post on Reddit about how it took her seven attempts to leave an abusive relationship. It sounded so confusing and painful.”

Then just listen.

If they can’t respond to someone else’s experience with empathy, respect, and understanding, they’re probably not going to respond that way to yours either.

However, if they can, feel free to try sharing small bits and pieces of your story.

But remember, trust is built one layer at a time — and your experiences should only be shared with people who’ve earned the right to hear them.

Jennifer says:

This fourth step is important because talking to someone who truly understands what you’ve been through helps you feel less alone and validates your experiences.

That validation gives your mind and body permission to start healing.

And this opens the door to things like self-compassion, setting boundaries, and many other aspects of healing that make it easier to cope with your ex moving on.

Final Thoughts

One thing you still have to watch out for is rumination.

This is when your brain keeps going over the same negative thoughts again and again — usually things about the relationship that upset you, confuse you, or make you feel stuck.

And if left unchecked, it can pull days, weeks, even months or years away from you — without you even fully realizing the extent of what’s happening.

So, in the next episode, I’m going to walk you through the strategies the people we work with use to stop ruminating about their narcissistic exes so you can use them too.

And I’ll link to it below as soon as it’s posted.

Read Now: How to Stop Ruminating About Your Narcissistic Ex

Thank you for reading today’s episode of the Unfilteredd: Narcissistic Partners podcast. 

If this was helpful and you’d like to read the next one, please subscribe to our newsletter — we’ll let you know as soon as the next episode is released.

My name is Juliana Akin, your guide to overcoming the effects of narcissistic abuse — and I can’t wait to connect with you in a future episode.

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