During our support group meeting, one of our community members asked, “How can I make the narcissist break up with me?”

Five things you can do to make a narcissist break up with you are:

  • Don’t give them narcissistic supply.
  • Set firm boundaries with them.
  • Refuse to participate in any drama they create.
  • Show them you’re independent.
  • Practicing radical acceptance.

In this article, I will explain how each one of these strategies works so you can better understand how you can make a narcissist break up with you.

1.) Don’t Give Them Narcissistic Supply

The first thing you can do to make a narcissist break up with you is to stop giving them narcissistic supply.

If you didn’t know already, this supply is the validation, admiration, reassurance, power, and control narcissists receive from others.

They use this supply to suppress all of the painful thoughts, feelings, and emotions they have about themselves to construct a positive self-perception.

Now, the biggest sources of supply that narcissists have access to are typically the people they abuse.

So, if you start to withhold this supply, they’d be left with two options:

One, confront the feelings of being unlovable, unwanted, inadequate, worthless, and weak that they have suppressed within themselves.

A narcissist with painful thoughts feelings, and emotions.

Two, find a new source of supply to continue suppressing their painful thoughts, feelings, and emotions and maintain a positive self-perception.

More often than not, narcissists are going to choose option number two.

For this reason, refusing to give the narcissist in your life narcissistc supply is one of the best ways to make them break up with you.

2.) Set Firm Boundaries with Them

The second thing you can do to make a narcissist break up with you is to set firm boundaries with them.

Suggested Reading: How to Set Boundaries with a Narcissist (6 Steps)

You see, narcissists often try to control others by violating their boundaries. 

By setting firm boundaries, you reclaim your autonomy and prevent the narcissist from manipulating or controlling you. 

Narcissists don’t like when this happens.

In fact, one of the most common reactions narcissists have when they can no longer control and manipulate someone is to end the relationship (discarding) and find someone else they can more easily control and manipulate.

Suggested Reading: 8 Ways Narcissists React When They Can’t Control You

For this reason, setting firm boundaries with the narcissist in your life is a great way to get them to break up with you.

3.) Don’t Participate In Any Drama They Create

The third thing you can do to make a narcissist break up with you is not participating in the drama they create.

I say this because narcissists often create drama to put themselves in the spotlight and to manipulate others’ emotions. 

This drama feeds their need for attention and control. 

They enjoy seeing others react to their provocations and often use these reactions to paint themselves as the victim or the hero. 

By avoiding this drama, which means not reacting to their provocations, not engaging in arguments, and not playing into their narratives, you are refusing to provide the emotional reaction they crave. 

Over time, if you remain calm and don’t engage in their drama, the narcissist will likely find the relationship unsatisfying and may decide to end it.

This is why refusing to participate in any drama they create is a great way to make the narcissist in your life break up with you.

4.) Show Them That You’re Independent

The fourth thing you can do to make a narcissist break up with you is show them that you’re independent.

You see, narcissists typically prefer relationships where they can exert control and have the other person dependent on them.

They often position themselves as the “hero” or “savior” in their relationships because this feeds into their need for admiration and control. 

How?

By creating scenarios that require their intervention or assistance to make their partners feel dependent on them. 

A narcissist pretending that she didn't pop someone's tires.

For example, they might purposely create a problem only to step in and solve it or undermine your confidence to make you reliant on their validation. 

To counteract this, you should strive to handle challenges independently and resist seeking their help unless absolutely necessary. 

Suggested Reading: 10 Ways to Grow as a Person After Narcissistic Abuse

Instead, reach out to a supportive friend or family member, or use resources like counseling or self-help guides to improve your own problem-solving skills. 

As you demonstrate your ability to handle issues without their “help,” the narcissist will most likely feel less significant or needed in the relationship.

Over time, this could lead to dissatisfaction on their end and, eventually, a breakup.

So finding ways to show the narcissist that you are independent and don’t need them to be your “hero” or “savior” is a great way to get them to break up with you.

5.) Practice Radical Acceptance

The fifth thing you can do to get a narcissist to break up with you is to practice radical acceptance.

Radical acceptance involves fully recognizing and accepting reality as it is without attempting to change or deny it. 

In the context of a relationship with a narcissist, it means accepting the narcissist for who they are without trying to change them.

Now, I want to be clear here. 

Practicing radical DOES NOT mean you are condoning the narcissist’s abusive behavior.

It means that you acknowledge that their behavior is abusive and that it isn’t your responsibility to help them change.

Of course, this is a challenging task, but I promise it is worth the struggle.

Let me explain why. 

When you start practicing radical acceptance, the dynamic of the relationship shifts. 

When the dynamic of the relationship shifts, the narcissist won’t be able to get the narcissistic supply they need to maintain a positive self-perception.

This is because they will no longer have the thrill of watching you trying to please them or bend over backward to try to make them happy.

A narcissist trying to get sympathy.

Suggested Reading: 7 Reasons You Can’t Make a Narcissist Happy

So, they will be left with the same two options I mentioned in the first section of this article (do not give them narcissistic supply).

One, confront the feelings of being unlovable, unwanted, inadequate, worthless, and weak that they have suppressed within themselves.

Two, find a new source of supply to continue suppressing their painful thoughts, feelings, and emotions and maintain a positive self-perception.

And as I mentioned before, narcissists will almost always choose the second option.

For this reason practicing radical acceptance is a solid approach you can have if you are trying to make a narcissist break up with you.

What Should You Take Away from This Article?

By refusing to give the narcissist in your life supply, setting firm boundaries, not participating in their drama, showing them you’re independent, and practicing radical acceptance, you can encourage the narcissist in your life to break up with you.

Of course, there is no guarantee doing these things will work, but they do create an environment that narcissists typically have no desire to be in.

About the Author

Hey, I’m Elijah.

I experienced narcissistic abuse for three years. 

I create these articles to help you understand and validate your experiences.

Thank you for reading, and remember, healing is possible even when it feels impossible.

If you’re ready to heal, visit The Institute of Healing from Narcissistic Abuse to get started.

References:

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