A worry many people have while thinking about going no contact with the narcissist in their life is, “Am I being cruel?”

Going no contact with a narcissist isn’t cruel because it’s vital for your mental health, frees you from the abusive cycle, affirms your right to establish boundaries, allows for personal growth, prevents further harm, provides space for healing and recovery, and ensures the safety of your loved ones.

In this article, I will guide you through these reasons to help you better understand why going no contact with a narcissist isn’t cruel.

1.) It’s Vital for Your Mental Health

Engaging with a narcissist is emotionally draining. 

They are constantly using manipulative tactics to control you, such as:

  • Gaslighting
  • Invalidation
  • Guilt-tripping
  • Criticism 
  • Self-victimization

Regularly experiencing this level of toxicity damages your mental health.

A woman feeling exhausted.

Therefore, choosing to go no contact with the narcissist in your life is not an act of cruelty; it’s a necessary measure to protect your mental health from further harm.

2.) It Frees You from the Abusive Cycle

Being in a relationship with a narcissist is like riding an emotional rollercoaster. 

They overwhelm you with attention, affection, and kindness one moment, then become cold and distant the next. 

This alternating pattern of positive reinforcement followed by sudden abuse and neglect creates an environment of confusion and emotional turmoil. 

Because of this, choosing to go no contact with the narcissist isn’t cruel.

Instead, it’s a decision to free yourself from this abusive cycle so that you can create space for healing and personal growth.

Suggested Reading: What Is the Narcissistic Abuse Cycle?

3.) It Affirms Your Right to Establish Boundaries

In healthy relationships, there’s an unspoken agreement: 

“We will respect each other’s boundaries.”

This agreement is essential because boundaries act as protective barriers, ensuring we feel safe, valued, and understood while interacting with others.

In narcissistic relationships, boundaries are not allowed. Narcissists typically:

  • Push past any limits you try to set.
  • Invade your physical and psychological spaces.
  • Share private details about you without your permission.
  • Disregard or mock any concerns or needs your voice.

Regularly experiencing this relentless encroachment can manipulate you into believing you have no right to set boundaries.

Suggested Reading: How to Set Boundaries with a Narcissist (6 Steps)

This is a dangerous belief because it prevents you from being able to protect yourself from narcissists’ tactics to maintain power and control over others.

So, in this context, going no contact isn’t an act of cruelty. It is an important step to protect yourself from further harm.

4.) It Allows for Personal Growth

Consistent engagement with a narcissist or someone who has narcissistic tendencies can severely damage your personal growth.

There are many reasons why this is true, but generally speaking, it is because the behavior of a narcissist can often:

  • Dominate your thoughts and emotions.
  • Force you to push the narcissist’s needs above your own.
  • Fill you with self-doubt and uncertainty about yourself.

Over time, being in an environment like this can stop you from growing as a person.

A many trying to grow as a person.

Therefore, going no contact with a narcissist isn’t a cold-hearted or cruel decision.

It’s a step towards reclaiming your life and giving yourself the space and freedom to grow without interference.

Suggested Reading: 10 Ways to Grow as a Person After Narcissistic Abuse

5.) It Prevents Further Harm

Choosing to go no contact isn’t about punishing the narcissist; it’s about protecting yourself from abuse and manipulation.

You see, there are a ton of potential risks that come with having a narcissist in your life.

They could:

  • Make you doubt your memories or thoughts.
  • Constantly put you down, eroding your self-worth.
  • Use your vulnerabilities against you.
  • Isolate you from friends or family.
  • Manipulate situations to always be in their favor.
  • Threaten you, directly or indirectly.
  • Undermine your achievements or dreams.
  • Compare you negatively to others, making you feel lesser.

Experiencing any number of these risks on a regular basis can further strain your mental and emotional health, leaving you vulnerable to abuse and manipulation.

Suggested Reading: How to Protect Yourself From a Narcissist (6 Strategies)

So again, choosing to go no contact with the narcissist isn’t about punishing them; it’s about protecting yourself from further harm.

6.) It Provides a Space for Healing and Recovery

Healing the emotional wounds that narcissistic abuse often causes requires time, space, and the right environment.

Remaining in contact with a narcissist means:

  • Continually facing triggers that reopen old wounds.
  • Being denied the calm and stability needed for recovery.
  • Struggling to find clarity because of the chaos they create.

So by going no contact, you’re not being cruel; you’re creating a space for genuine healing and recovery to occur.

7.) It Ensures the Safety of Your Loved Ones

Relationships with narcissists don’t just affect the immediate target; they can touch those close to the target as well, especially vulnerable individuals like children.

If you remain in contact with the narcissist, your loved ones could:

  • Witness harmful behaviors, normalizing them for their future relationships.
  • Become secondary targets, subjected to manipulation or emotional games.
  • Experience feelings of instability, never knowing the narcissist’s next move.
  • Internalize blame, thinking they might be the cause of conflicts or outbursts.
  • Be used as pawns in the narcissist’s schemes or vendettas against you.

Because of this, going no contact isn’t just a cruel personal decision. It’s a protective measure to ensure the safety and emotional health of those you love.

A man protecting his family by going no contact with the narcissist.

What Should You Take Away from This Article?

If you decide to go no contact with the narcissist in your life, you should expect to encounter pushback from the narcissist and anyone who supports them.

However, despite what they try to gaslight you into believing, remember that going no contact with a narcissist isn’t cruel because: 

  1. It’s vital for your mental health.
  2. It frees you from the abusive cycle.
  3. It affirms your right to establish boundaries.
  4. It allows your personal growth.
  5. It prevents further harm.
  6. It provides a space for healing and recovery.
  7. It ensures the safety of your loved ones.

About the Author

Hey, I’m Elijah.

I experienced narcissistic abuse for three years. 

I create these articles to help you understand and validate your experiences.

Thank you for reading, and remember, healing is possible even when it feels impossible.

If you’re ready to heal, visit The Institute of Healing from Narcissistic Abuse to get started.


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