Narcissistic abuse convinces those that it effects that they’re not good enough. It plagues the mind with self-doubt and self-blame and when it comes to flying monkeys, it often turns those closest to the victim, against the victim.
To make matters even worse, when a narcissist discards their victim and moves onto a new source of narcissistic supply, the narcissistic abuse cycle restarts.
This is because the narcissistic abuse cycle starts with dynamics like love bombing and idealization, from the old supply’s perspective, the narcissist is treating the new supply WAY better than he or she ever treated them.
Without the proper knowledge about the narcissistic abuse cycle, all this does is solidifies the old supply’s belief that they’re not good enough.
This applies to every different type of narcissistic supply, but when it comes to flying monkeys, people narcissists manipulate into participating in the smear campaign of the victim, it is very common for victims of narcissistic abuse to wonder if the narcissist will show their abusive side to the flying monkeys.
A narcissist will turn on a flying monkey because they’re incapable of constantly maintaining their superficial identity. It may look like they’re treating the flying monkey well, but eventually the narcissist’s abusive identity will reveal itself to the flying monkey, just as it did overtime with you.
In this article, we were able to interview three individuals who were once flying monkeys to find out how they were recruited, how long it took the narcissist to turn on them, and why did the narcissist turn on them.
3 Flying Monkeys Talk About Their Experience With the Narcissist
Matt’s Story
How were you recruited by the narcissist?
My sister’s narcissistic ex-boyfriend manipulated me into being a flying monkey by telling me that my sister started drinking a lot again. I didn’t know at the time but he would buy alcohol with her bank card, print out the statements, and show my family them when claiming she had a problem. At the time, she had been sober for two year so my emotions took over and I blindly betrayed my own sister even though she insisted he was lying.
How long were you a flying monkey?
I was a flying monkey for about five months. Things changed the day my sister’s narcissistic ex and I went out for drinks. He drank too much and accidentally told me that I was the dumbest and most gullible person he has ever met. When I questioned him about it, he got really defensive and just left the event.
Why did the narcissist turn on you?
After he called me dumb and gullible while he was intoxicated, I started to pay a lot more attention to the stories he was telling me about my sister and started picking up on the inconsistencies. One day he tried getting some sensitive information about my sister out of me and I just refused to give it to him. Before I knew it, I was being harassed and bullied by his other flying monkeys. I can’t describe how horrible I felt. I betrayed my own sister when she needed me the most and that is something I try to fix every single day.
Andrew’s Story
How were you recruited by the narcissist?
It hurts to admit it but I wasn’t recruited at all. My brother had let himself go, and I didn’t know it was because he was suffering narcissistic abuse. He wasn’t taking care of himself at all and I was really angry about it. I felt like he was pathetic. I was so angry that when his narcissistic ex-wife started to recruit flying monkeys, I gladly jumped on board.
Information you should know before reading the rest of this story.
Narcissistic abuse has a horrifying effect on one’s health and appearance. It is very common for victims of narcissistic abuse to not take care of themselves, develop maladaptive coping behaviors, and have a DRASTIC change in their demeanor and/or appearance because of how traumatizing narcissistic abuse is. This makes recruiting flying monkeys very easy for the narcissist because the victim is practically unrecognizable to friends and family.
How long were you a flying monkey?
I was a flying monkey for the better part of a year. My brother’s narcissistic ex wife would call me whenever she felt “threatened” by him. I would come running, defuse the situation, and to be honest, humiliate my brother. It all changed when I showed up to the house unannounced and heard the horrible things she was saying because she didn’t think anyone was listening.
Why did the narcissist turn on you?
When I showed up to my brother’s house unannounced I could hear how abusive she was. The turning point for me was when she started bragging about turning us (his family) against him. When I heard that, I opened the door and she looked like she had seen a ghost. I was so angry but I couldn’t get the words out. I couldn’t believe I was dumb enough to pay into her mind games for so long. I packed my brothers things and we left.
Oliver’s Story
How were you recruited by the narcissist?
I grew up in a very abusive household with a narcissistic father. I was the golden child because I was really good at football, which is something my father loves, in middle and high school. He would treat me so much better than the rest of my family and I loved how it felt because before I found football, he was just as abusive to me as he was to anyone else.
Information you should know before reading the rest of this story.
The golden child is a child that a narcissist will choose to be his/her “favorite”. While being a golden child may seem like a great position to be in because they don’t experience the wrath of the narcissist as often, it comes with MANY psychological effects that you can find here.
How long were you a flying monkey?
I would say that I was a flying monkey for five years. I would participate in the abuse of my other family members, tell my narcissistic father other’s secretes, and walk around like I was better than everyone else. I played football from middle school (7th grade) all the way to my senior year (12th grade) but things changed between my father and I when I decided not to go play football in college.
Why did the narcissist turn on you?
My wife got pregnant with out first child shortly after we graduated. I really wanted to play football but I also really wanted to support my family. So, I decided to ask my dad if he could help me find a job in construction and he lost his mind. He was so angry that I was throwing away “talent he created for some sl*t”… yeah he said that about my wife right in front of me. Everything changed that day and I haven’t had a month were I haven’t been abused by my father since I told him I was done with football.
What Should You Take Away From This Article?
For a narcissist, relationship are purely transactional. They are incapable of maintaining healthy relationships. Even the position of the golden child, the narcissist’s crown jewel, is conditional. The moment anyone stops being a sufficient source of narcissistic supply, they’ll be subjected to the same abuse cycle that ALL of the narcissist’s past victims experienced.
Unfortunately, flying monkeys is a huge aspect of narcissistic abuse. If you’re interested in grasping a comprehensive understanding of flying monkeys, I suggest you check out other articles in this series. Why Do Narcissists Need Flying Monkeys gives you a unique perspective on this form of abuse and How Do Narcissists Get Flying Monkeys sheds light on many of the hidden aspects of narcissistic abuse.
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Disclaimer
This information is for educational purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case.