4 of the Best Ways to Deal With a Flying Monkey

One of the most dangerous adversaries that you’ll likely come across in a narcissistic environment is a flying monkey.

The best way to deal with a flying monkey is to restrain yourself from engaging in meaningful interactions with them by using techniques such as the Gray Rock Method, Yellow Rock Method, No Contact Method, or the Low Contact Method. 

This article is going to guide you through these different techniques so that you can make conscious and well-informed decisions that keep you both emotionally and physically safe from the flying monkeys in your life.

The Gray Rock Method

The Gray Rock Method is a form of communication that you can use by restraining yourself from engaging in meaningful interactions with the abusive people in your life. 

The term “meaningful interaction” refers to any interaction that gives them access to your thoughts, feelings, emotions, or needs.

How to Use the Gray Rock Method on a Flying Monkey

You are on your way to a restaurant to meet a friend for lunch when you run into the flying monkey in your life.

They say, Hey! I’ve been trying to call you all day!”

You have been ignoring their calls because you know that they want to talk about the break up that you just had with the narcissist in your life.

Engaging in a conversation about the narcissist could give the flying monkey access to your thoughts, feelings, emotions, and needs.

So, you decide that it is best to use the Gray Rock Method in this situation by saying, “I’ve been really busy and don’t have time to talk right now because I’m meeting a friend for lunch and I’m already running late,” then you simply walk away.

This is the Gray Rock Method!

Your response was perfect because you did not give the flying monkey access to your thoughts, feelings, emotions, or needs.

Suggested Reading: How Do Narcissists Use Flying Monkeys? (A Complete Guide)

The Yellow Rock Method

The Yellow Rock Method is a form of communication that you can use by restraining yourself from engaging in meaningful interactions with the abusive people in your life. 

The difference between the Gray Rock Method and the Yellow Rock Method is that when you use the Gray Rock Method, you often come off as cold, uncooperative, distant, arrogant, and mean.

When you use the Yellow Rock Method, you have a much more professional approach that is much more respectful to the person you are trying to protect yourself from.

Why would you want to come off as respectful?

Well, usually there is nothing wrong with coming off as cold, uncooperative, distant, arrogant, and/or mean when protecting yourself from abusive people.

But because of how good abusers are at portraying you in a negative light, there are certain situations that you should try your hardest to not come off as cold, uncooperative, distant, arrogant, and/or mean (e.g. a custody battle).

How to Use the Yellow Rock Method on a Flying Monkey

It is 11 a.m. on a Sunday morning and you get a phone call from a flying monkey in your life.

The second you pick up the phone, the manipulation starts. 

The flying monkey says ,“Oh, I am surprised that you picked up my call!”

You respond by saying, “Good morning. Can I help you with something? I am trying to cook breakfast for my kid.”

The flying monkey says, “Well hold on, I am still surprised you picked up because normally you just ignore my calls.”

You respond by saying, “On the days that you call at 9pm at night, I do not pick up because I am getting myself and my kid ready for bed.”

The flying monkey responds with, “Oh you mean the kid who is always crying about how mean you are? Listen, I understand that you are mad at the world but don’t take it out on your kid.”

You respond to this by saying, “Your attempt to portray me in a negative light is noted. I am going to hang up and continue my morning with my kid. I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day.”

The flying monkey says, “You are a liar and everyone knows it.”

You respond by saying, “Listen, your refusal to engage in effective communication is noted, I will be hanging up the phone now. Have a nice day.”

This is a great example of the Yellow Rock Method being used.

You see, if you were using the Gray Rock Method, you would have simply hung up the phone the second that the flying monkey started being manipulative.

Instead, you say, “Your attempt to portray me in a negative light is noted,” and then you say, “Listen, your refusal to engage in effective communication is noted, I will be hanging up the phone now.“

This is a brilliant Yellow Rock response that makes it very difficult for the flying monkey to portray you in a negative light and access your thoughts, feelings, emotions, and needs.

The No Contact Method

The No Contact Method involves ending all physical and psychological forms of contact that you have with the abusive person in your life. 

This may look like:

• Not responding to their text messages or phone calls
• Not agreeing/promising to meetup with them or “stay in touch”
• Not checking up on their social media or keeping tabs on their posts 
• Not gathering information about their lives through your friends or spending all your time talking about them
• Not accepting gifts or favors (no matter how tempting) from them
• Not listening to music that you associate with them
• Not digging up old photographic memories of them (with or without you in them)
• Taking proactive steps to heal yourself from intrusive, unwanted, and traumatic painful memories

Suggested Reading: How to Deal With the Emotions of Going No Contact With a Narcissist

The Low Contact Method

The Low Contact Method is a variation of the No Contact Method but it also incorporates the concept of the Gray and Yellow Rock Method. 

It’s best to use this technique when you can’t go No Contact or when you have to break No Contact for some reason such as a funeral, a wedding, a court case, etc.

Using the Low Contact Method essentially means that you become very selective about where, when, how, and why you cross paths with the high-conflict people in your life, and when you do, you restrain yourself from engaging in meaningful interactions with them.

What Should You Take Away From This Article?

The Gray Rock Method, Yellow Rock Method, Firewall Method, Low Contact Method, and No Contact Method are the best techniques for dealing with flying monkeys.

Thank you for reading this article. I hope that you found it helpful!