Elijah Akin, Founder of Unfilteredd
Hey, I’m Elijah.
I experienced narcissistic abuse for three years.
Like many others with similar experiences, healing was hard for me.
I felt like I couldn’t trust my perception of reality.
This stopped me from being able to process the thoughts, feelings, and emotions I was struggling with because of the abuse.
To cope, I started journaling daily about what I was experiencing.
I made my first entry a year before my narcissistic relationship ended.
And I made my last entry two years after the relationship ended.
Why is this important?
Well, at the time, I didn’t have a full grasp of what narcissistic abuse was.
Therefore, my journal entries just became a bunch of questions.
For example, take a look at one of my first entries:
If you can’t read my terrible handwriting, I wrote:
“I know I’ve said this a million times before, but I think she deliberately says things to get under my skin so that she can victimize herself when I get upset.
Today, I told her that I finally found a new team and will be moving back to Spain. She responded, “Some people just chase dreams without thinking of those they leave behind.”
I am so confused. Before we got into a relationship, I told her I was planning to move. Since then, we’ve had countless conversations about me moving.
So I don’t understand where she is coming from because she has never said anything like this before. When I asked her why she was upset, she responded:
‘Why do you always make me out to be the villain? I just thought you cared more about our bond than some fleeting chance. But maybe I was wrong about us.‘
(this part isn’t in the image to protect the narcissist’s identity)
I feel angry, confused, and, for some reason, guilty.
So, today’s questions are:
Now, take a look at one of my last entries:
Again, if you’re having trouble reading it, I wrote:
“If I made the right decision by ending the relationship, why do I feel terrible about it? If it was all manipulation, why does part of me want to get what we had back?
Do narcissists know they are causing so much damage to the people they claim to love?”
Ready for this?
I wrote down 4,113 questions during those three years.
Yeah, I know, it is wild!
But here is the beautiful thing about all of this:
When my wife, Juliana Akin, and I started Unfilteredd, we began by interviewing therapists about narcissism and narcissistic abuse.
Where did we get a majority of our questions from?
We continue to interview therapists daily, and the quality of the answers we receive is just out of this world.
These interviews have allowed me to study narcissism and narcissistic abuse for years, and I’ll forever be grateful for it.
One of the ways I try to give back is by writing these articles for you.
Every article I write has the insights I gained from interviewing over 400 therapists worldwide about narcissism and narcissistic abuse.
Of course, we now have a team of therapists on our Editorial Team who ensure each article follows our Editorial Process.
But generally speaking, every piece of written content you consume on Unfilteredd is packed full of the knowledge over 400 therapists have given me these past few years.
So, from the bottom of my heart, I hope you find these articles helpful.
And remember, healing is possible, even when it feels impossible.