Why Narcissists Only Talk about Themselves (5 Reasons)

I recently chatted with one of our readers who asked, “Why do narcissists only talk about themselves?” It is a great question, so I wanted to share my thoughts on it.

Narcissists only talk about themselves because they want to be admired and validated, they lack empathy, they’re unreasonably competitive, and talking about themselves helps them protect their fragile self-esteem and manipulate others.

In this article, I will explain each of those five reasons to help you grasp a better understanding of why narcissists love talking about themselves.

1.) They Want to be Admired and Validated

Narcissists have a deep-seated need for admiration and validation from others.¹ 

This stems from an inflated sense of self-importance and a desire to be recognized as superior, even without achievements that warrant it. 

They often believe that by consistently talking about themselves, they can get the admiration and validation they desperately crave.

For example, imagine you’re at a dinner party, and a narcissistic family member starts talking about a recent promotion. 

While you’re happy to congratulate them, you notice they monopolize the conversation for the entire evening, detailing every step they took to achieve this promotion, regardless of others’ attempts to change the subject. 

This behavior is driven by the narcissist’s need to be the center of attention and receive continuous validation from the group.

While they may not be conscious of this, deep down, they believe that if they share the floor with others, they’ll “miss out” on the group’s admiration and validation forever.

Related: Why Do Narcissists Want to be Admired and Praised?

2.) They Lack Empathy

One of the most prominent characteristics of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a lack of empathy.²

This means it is hard for them to genuinely recognize or understand the feelings, needs, or interests of others. 

What does this have to do with them only talking about themselves?

Well, a narcissist’s lack of empathy often causes them to be more focused on themselves and less interested in what others have to say unless it directly relates to them or their interests.

For example, say you’re sharing a challenging personal experience with someone who has narcissistic tendencies, hoping for some support or advice. 

Instead of acknowledging your feelings, they quickly turn the conversation back to themselves, sharing a vaguely related story of their own struggles, which, in their view, are more significant. 

This shift happens because their lack of empathy causes them to genuinely struggle to engage with or prioritize your emotional needs over their own.

Of course, this doesn’t excuse their behavior. But it offers some insight into why they tend to only talk about themselves.

3.) To Protect Their Fragile Self-Esteem

Despite their outward appearance of confidence and superiority, narcissists have fragile self-esteem.³ 

I know it can be hard to believe, but deep down, narcissists feel unlovable, unwanted, worthless, inadequate, and weak.

This vulnerability means they often continuously seek to talk about themselves to reassure themselves of their worth and suppress any internal doubts about their value or accomplishments.

For example, let’s imagine you notice that whenever someone else receives praise or recognition, a narcissistic acquaintance immediately starts talking about their own achievements, even if they’re unrelated to the conversation at hand. 

This reaction is not just about jealousy; it’s also about reassurance. 

They need to remind themselves (and others) of their value, using self-focused conversation as a shield to protect their fragile self-esteem against feelings of inadequacy or insignificance.

Related: Do Narcissists Have Low Self-Esteem?

4.) They Are Unreasonably Competitive

Narcissists are inherently competitive.⁴ 

Sometimes, they see social interactions as opportunities to assert their dominance and superiority, often turning conversations into competitions.

By focusing on themselves, they aim to outshine others, believing this will affirm their status as the most accomplished or interesting person in the room.

For example, say someone mentions a recent hiking adventure during a casual get-together. 

Instead of showing genuine interest or asking questions, a narcissistic individual might immediately counter with their own story.

While telling this story, they will most likely exaggerate details to make their adventure seem more thrilling or challenging. 

Generally speaking, their goal is not to share in the joy of the conversation but to dominate or “win” it because they want to come out on top.

5.) To Manipulate Others

Manipulation is a tool frequently used by narcissists to maintain or gain control in relationships and interactions.⁵ 

By steering conversations to focus on themselves, narcissists not only keep the spotlight where they want it but also manipulate the flow of information to serve their needs. 

This calculated self-focus allows them to shape how others see and treat them, often bending the narrative to position themselves as the victim, hero, or indispensable figure in any situation.

For example, imagine a scenario where a narcissistic individual is part of a team facing a deadline. 

Instead of focusing on the group’s effort, they monopolize a team meeting with detailed accounts of their sacrifices for the project, exaggerating their contributions and downplaying others. 

Their goal here is to manipulate the team and supervisors into viewing them as the project’s linchpin, thereby securing a more favorable position for themselves—whether it’s recognition, rewards, or leverage over colleagues.

What Should You Take Away from This Article?

In a nutshell, the reason narcissists only talk about themselves are:

• They want to be admired and validated.
• They lack empathy.
• They are unreasonably competitive.
• To protect their fragile self-esteem.
• To manipulate others.

Thanks a lot for reading! If you’ve got any thoughts or questions after getting through the article, I’d really appreciate hearing from you in the comments.

And if you are looking for more information on narcissism and narcissistic abuse, our latest articles are a great resource. They’re clear and filled with helpful information.

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