5 Signs a Narcissist Knows They’re Lying

Have you ever questioned whether the narcissist in your life knows they’re not telling the truth or if they believe their own stories?

If so, many others are too. We held a support group recently, and a few of the members wanted to know whether or not narcissists know they’re lying.

I got curious, so I did some research, and here’s what I learned.

As a general rule, a narcissist knows they’re lying when they:

• Change their story based on who they’re talking to. 
• Get defensive when they get questioned. 
• Use overly detailed explanations. 
• Blame others to divert attention away from themselves.
• Suddenly have selective memory when caught red-handed.

In this post, I will explain each of these to help you understand how they indicate a narcissist knows they’re lying.

1.) They Change Their Story Based on Who They’re Talking To

One sign that a narcissist knows they’re lying is when they change their story depending on who they’re talking to. 

For example, imagine a narcissist is trying to avoid responsibility for a mistake at work. 

To one coworker, they might say, “I had the report done on time, but the computer crashed and I lost everything.” 

To another, they might claim, “I was waiting on information from someone else, and they never got it to me.” 

This change in story is a clear sign that they know what they’re saying isn’t true.¹ 

They adjust their lie to suit the person they’re speaking to ensure they’re using the most believable version.

If they truly believed in their own words, there wouldn’t be a need to switch stories; the truth doesn’t change based on the audience.

2.) They Get Defensive When Questioned

Another indication that a narcissist knows they’re lying is how defensive they become if someone questions their story.² 

For instance, if a narcissist tells a friend, “I was at the gym last night,” but the friend knows the gym was closed, the narcissist might react with anger or resentment when challenged, saying something like, “Are you calling me a liar? I can’t believe you don’t trust me!” 

This defensive reaction is a tactic to deflect attention away from the lie itself and turn the situation into one in which they are the aggrieved party. 

Their overreaction to being questioned is a telltale sign that they’re aware they’re not telling the truth. 

If they were confident in their honesty, a simple clarification or proof would suffice rather than an emotional outburst aimed at making the other person back down.

3.) They Use Detailed Excuses to Support Their Lies

Narcissists often craft very detailed and specific excuses to bolster their lies.

For example, if a narcissist is lying about where they were on a certain evening, they might not just say, “I was out with friends.” 

Instead, they could elaborate with specifics, such as, “I was at Mike’s house until 9 PM. We watched the game, and he made his famous chili. You know how he always talks about that recipe.” 

The detail serves two purposes: it makes the lie harder to disprove and suggests a level of authenticity that a true account might have.³ 

This deliberate crafting of a lie, complete with unnecessary details, indicates they are aware they’re not telling the truth. 

A simple, honest answer typically doesn’t require such elaboration.

4.) Quick to Blame Others to Divert Attention

When a narcissist lies and feels they might be caught, they often shift blame to others as a diversion tactic.⁴ 

This indicates they know their statement is false and are looking for a way out of being held accountable. 

For instance, if a narcissist claims they were late because the project you worked on together took too long, and you know that’s not true, they might quickly say, “Well, if John had sent us the figures on time, I wouldn’t have been late.” 

By shifting blame, they not only try to divert attention from their lie but also imply their wrongdoing is actually someone else’s fault. 

This maneuver shows they understand their original statement was untrue, as they’re prepared with an alternative explanation that removes personal blame.

5.) Selective Memory Claims

A telltale sign a narcissist knows they’re lying is when they conveniently claim to have a selective memory about specific events or conversations.⁵

For example, if a narcissist is confronted about a promise they made but didn’t keep, they might respond with, “I don’t remember saying that,” or “My memory of that conversation is a bit fuzzy.” 

However, they seem to have an excellent recall of details when it suits their narrative or defense. 

This selective memory is often strategic, allowing them to dodge accountability for their lies. 

The fact that their memory issues are conveniently selective and not consistent across all areas of their life indicates they’re aware of their deceit. 

True memory issues wouldn’t selectively affect only those situations where they stand to be corrected or exposed.

Conclusion

Thank you so much for taking the time to read through this article.

I sincerely hope you found it insightful.

Now, I’m eager to hear your thoughts and experiences.

Have you ever encountered these behaviors with the narcissist in your life you?

If so, what measures have you taken to hold onto your reality?

Or perhaps you’re seeking advice on how to handle a situation with a narcissist that you’re currently facing.

Either way, please share your thoughts and questions by leaving a comment below.

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