One of the most common questions that we get from people inside of our healing community is, “How can I protect myself against love bombing?”

To protect yourself against love bombing, you need to learn more about love bombing, establish and maintain boundaries with others, practice being assertive, maintain your independence, take things slowly when starting new relationships, look for consistency, and get an outside perspective from someone you trust.

In this article, I will guide you through the things I just listed above so you can better understand how to protect yourself against love bombing. 

Step 1.) Educate Yourself

The first step you should take if you want to protect yourself against love bombing is to learn more about love bombing.

Understanding the dynamics and signs of love bombing is crucial. 

Love bombing often starts with excessive affection and attention, typically at the very beginning of a relationship, and it can feel incredibly flattering. 

The person love bombing you then might shower you with compliments, gifts, grand gestures, and promises of a future together. 

A narcissist surprising someone with a gift during the love bombing phase.

These gestures are often over-the-top and come before they’ve had a chance to really get to know you. 

The purpose of this phase is to make you feel special and to gain your trust quickly. 

Once the love bomber has done so, the behavior often changes dramatically, shifting from affectionate and attentive to controlling and manipulative. 

Suggested Reading: What Comes After Love Bombing With a Narcissist?

The change can be gradual or sudden, and it is very confusing and hurtful. 

Reading about love bombing, emotional manipulation, and narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) can help you recognize these patterns and keep yourself safe.

Step 2.) Establish and Maintain Boundaries

The second step you should take if you want to protect yourself against love bombing is to establish and maintain healthy boundaries.

Setting boundaries is a crucial part of maintaining a healthy relationship. 

These boundaries could be related to your time, physical and emotional intimacy, personal space, or even your interactions with others. 

Whatever they are, remember that boundaries are all about understanding what you are uncomfortable with and clearly communicating these things to others.

Suggested Reading: How to Set Boundaries with a Narcissist (6 Steps)

For example, if you feel someone in your life is demanding too much of your time, which is a common occurrence during the love bombing phase, you could set a boundary by telling them:

“We can meet on Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays, but I need the rest of the week to focus on work and school. This is a non-negotiable for me.”

If you are trying to protect yourself against love bombing, the key is to establish these boundaries early on and ensure they’re respected.

If the person you suspect is love bombing you constantly pushes or ignores your boundaries, this is a red flag and should not be taken lightly.

Step 3.) Practice Assertiveness

The third step you should take to protect yourself against love bombing is to practice being assertive.

Being assertive is about expressing your thoughts, feelings, emotions, and needs openly and honestly while also respecting the rights of others. 

It’s about standing up for yourself and not allowing others to mistreat you or disregard your boundaries in any way, shape, or form. 

For example, imagine that you have been seeing someone new, and they have been pressuring you into getting into a more serious relationship with them, even though you’ve expressed multiple times that you want to take things slow.

You could practice being assertive here by telling them you’re not ready to commit to a more serious relationship because they haven’t been respecting the boundaries you’ve been trying to enforce.

If they try to guilt-trip you into changing your mind, you can practice being assertive again by standing your ground and refusing to let them make you do something you’re not comfortable with.

Of course, being this assertive won’t happen overnight, especially if you’re not used to it, but it’s a skill that can be developed with practice, and it can help you establish and maintain boundaries that protect you against love bombing.

Step 4.) Maintain Your Independence

The fourth step you should take if you want to protect yourself against love bombing is to maintain your independence.

It’s important to remember that you are a unique individual with your interests, hobbies, and friendships. 


In the early stages of a relationship characterized by love bombing, there’s a tendency to become swept up in the intensity and to spend all your time with the new person. 

A narcissist love bombing someone.

This is a problem because losing yourself in a relationship is unhealthy and can make you more susceptible to manipulation and control. 

It is important to make sure you spend time on activities you love, maintain your relationships with friends and family, and set aside time just for yourself. 

Doing this will help you develop a strong sense of self, and it will also help you recognize when someone is trying to manipulate you or control your life, which is a goal people who use love bombing have.

Step 5.) Take Your Time

The fifth step you should take if you want to protect yourself against love bombing is to take your time.

A hallmark of love bombing is the rush – the person who is love bombing you wants to get very serious very quickly, and they often pressure you to move at their pace. 

It’s important to remember that you don’t need to rush things and that a healthy relationship takes time to develop.

If the other person is genuine, they will respect your desire to take things slow. If they are trying to love bomb you, they will continue to pressure you or try to rush things.

Taking your time allows you to make conscious and well-informed decisions that protect you against the tactics people use to love bomb others.

Suggested Reading: What Do Narcissists Do During the Love Bombing Phase?

Step 6.) Look for Consistency

The sixth step you should take if you want to protect yourself against love bombing is to look for consistency.

In a healthy relationship, actions and words align consistently over time. 

With love bombing, you might see a cycle of extreme affection and cold withdrawal or grand promises that are never followed through on.

For example, the suspected love bomber may shower you with affection one week and become distant the next, or they might make big promises about your future together but not take any concrete steps toward fulfilling them. 

Suggested Reading: 9 Reasons Narcissists Use Future Faking

Inconsistent behavior is often a sign of manipulation or emotional instability, which is why looking for consistency in the relationships you are considering pursuing is a great defense against love bombing.

Step 7.) Get an Outside Perspective

The seventh step you should take if you want to protect yourself against love bombing is to get an outside perspective.

This is because when you’re in an emotionally charged situation, like a new relationship characterized by love bombing, your judgment can sometimes be clouded, and this can cause you to miss or try to rationalize red flags. 

Having someone who is not directly involved can help you get a more objective assessment of the situation because they can help you see patterns that you might have missed, validate your feelings, and provide alternative viewpoints. 

Two people having a conversation.

But that’s not all…

Suppose you happen to fall for the love bombing and get sucked further into the manipulative relationship. In that case, they can also remind you of your worth and what a healthy relationship looks like if or when you start doubting or blaming yourselves.

For these reasons, getting an outside perspective is one of the best and most important strategies you can adopt to protect yourself against love bombing.

What Should You Take Away from This Article?

It isn’t going to be easy, but following the steps I’ve outlined in this article will put you in a position where you can protect yourself from love bombing.

About the Author

Hey, I’m Elijah.

I experienced narcissistic abuse for three years. 

I create these articles to help you understand and validate your experiences.

Thank you for reading, and remember, healing is possible even when it feels impossible.

If you’re ready to heal, visit The Institute of Healing from Narcissistic Abuse to get started.

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