3 Powerful Ways to Stop a Narcissist From Devaluing You

A common question that many survivors of narcissistic abuse have is, “How do I get the narcissist in my life to stop devaluing me?”

To stop a narcissist from devaluing you, you must restrain yourself from engaging in meaningful interactions with them to protect yourself from their manipulation tactics and you have to fortify your sense of self by reconnecting with your core values and practicing daily affirmations.

Devaluation is a huge aspect of narcissistic abuse and this article is going to guide you through all of the different steps that you must take to protect yourself from it.

Restrain Yourself From Engaging In Meaningful Interactions With the Narcissist

The first, and most effective, way to stop a narcissist from devaluing you is by restraining yourself from engaging in meaningful interactions with them.

The term “meaningful interaction” refers to any interaction that gives the narcissist access to your thoughts, feelings, emotions, or needs.

One example of a meaningful interaction with a narcissist could be a conversation about your personal goals or desires.

The narcissist may ask you probing questions about your dreams and aspirations, and at first, it may seem like they genuinely care about your well-being.

However, as the conversation progresses, the narcissist may begin to steer the conversation towards their own achievements and accomplishments, subtly making you feel inferior or inadequate.

For example, imagine a woman named Jessica is having a conversation with her narcissistic boss, Robert, about her career goals.

During this conversation, Robert asks Jessica what her ambitions are.

Jessica tells him that she hopes to become a department manager one day.

Robert listens, but then begins to talk about his own rise to the top of the company, highlighting his own accomplishments and downplaying Jessica’s aspirations.

He even tells her that her goals are unrealistic or that she should focus on more achievable targets.

Through this interaction, Robert gains access to Jessica’s desires and ambitions, but uses them to make himself look superior and undermine her confidence.

This would be considered a meaningful interaction.

The most effective technique that you can use to restrain yourself from engaging in a meaningful interaction with the narcissist in your life is the No Contact Method.

The No Contact Method is a strategy in which someone cuts off all communication with the narcissist and their extensions (i.e. flying monkeys & narcissist enablers).

Here are some of the advantages of going No Contact:

1. Improved Mental and Emotional Well-Being: Narcissists are emotionally draining and exhausting to be around. Going No Contact can help protect your mental and emotional health and create space for healing.

2. Reduced Risk of Being Manipulated: There are over 100 manipulation tactics that narcissists use to maintain power and control over you. Going No Contact makes it impossible for them to manipulate you. 

3. Increased Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem: Being in a relationship with a narcissist causes a loss of self-esteem and self-confidence. The space that is created by going No Contact gives you an opportunity to rebuild your self-confidence and self-esteem.

4. Opportunity For Personal Growth: Going No Contact allows you to focus on personal growth and self-improvement without the distraction that narcissists create.

Here are some of the disadvantages of going No Contact:

1. Initial Discomfort: The process of cutting off all communication with a narcissist and their extensions can be extremely uncomfortable.

2. Emotional Pain: Going No Contact can cause a significant amount of emotional pain. 

3. Risk of Retaliation: Narcissists do not like the No Contact Method. It wouldn’t be uncommon for them to react poorly to being cut off, and there is a risk that they may try to retaliate or seek revenge.

4. Loss of Social Connections: Going No Contact often means that you will lose friends, family members, or colleagues who choose to side with the narcissist.

Unfortunately, not everyone can simply cut ties with the narcissist in their life and never look back. If you aren’t in a position to go No Contact with the narcissist in your life at the moment, check this out:

Reconnect With Your Core Values

The second thing that you should do to stop a narcissist from devaluing you is reconnect with your core values.

Core values are the fundamental beliefs and principles that guide your decisions, actions, and behaviors. 

They are the things that you hold most important in your life, and they can serve as a foundation for your personal identity and purpose.

Reconnecting with your core values is an important step that you should take if you want to stop the narcissist in your life from devaluing you.

You see, reconnecting with your core values will help you reestablish a sense of self and personal identity. 

Because of the intensity of narcissistic abuse, it can be difficult to determine what is important to you and what you stand for.

When you are unsure about these things, it makes it incredibly easy for a narcissist to devalue you on a regular basis.

By understanding what is truly important to you, what you believe in, and what makes you who you are (i.e. identifying your core values), you can start making decisions that align with your values, set boundaries, and stop the narcissist from devaluing you.

Additionally, identifying your core values can help you in setting and maintaining healthy boundaries in future relationships. 

It can also provide a foundation for setting achievable goals and pursuing a life that is fulfilling and meaningful to you.

Identifying your core values can help you reclaim your sense of self and provide a roadmap for a happier and healthier future.

Practice Daily Affirmations

The third thing that you can do to stop a narcissist from devaluing you is practice daily affirmations.

Daily affirmations are positive statements that you repeat to yourself regularly to help build your confidence and reinforce positive beliefs about yourself.

They can be a powerful tool for stopping a narcissist from devaluing you because they help you maintain a strong sense of self-worth.

Here’s a closer look at the benefit of practicing daily affirmations to combat devaluation:

1. Boost self-confidence: Daily affirmations can help you focus on your strengths and positive qualities. This can increase your self-confidence and make you less vulnerable to the narcissist’s attempts to undermine your self-esteem.

2. Reinforce your values: When you include your core values in your daily affirmations, you remind yourself of what is important to you and reinforce your commitment to living according to your values. This can make it easier to resist the narcissist’s attempts to devalue you.

3. Resist manipulation: As you know, narcissists use manipulative tactics to control and devalue you. Daily affirmations can help you stay grounded by reminding you of your worth and the positive qualities that you possess.

Here are 25 daily affirmations to combat being devalued:

1. I am worthy of love and respect.
2. My opinions and feelings are valid.
3. I am capable of standing up for myself.
4. I will not allow others to define my self-worth.
5. I trust myself to make the right decisions for me.
6. I am deserving of happiness and fulfillment.
7. I am strong and resilient.
8. I choose to surround myself with positive and supportive people.
9. I trust in my abilities to overcome challenges.
10. I am a valuable and important member of my community.
11. I am committed to living according to my core values.
12. I will not compromise my beliefs or values for others.
13. I am grateful for all the good things in my life.
14. I am open to new opportunities and experiences.
15. I am confident in my abilities to achieve my goals.
16. I have the power to create positive change in my life.
17. I choose to let go of negativity and focus on positivity.
18. I am worthy of kindness and compassion.
19. I am proud of myself for the progress I’ve made.
20. I am deserving of success and achievement.
21. I trust that everything happens for a reason and everything will work out for my highest good.
22. I am confident in my ability to handle any challenges that come my way.
23. I am constantly learning and growing.
24. I am deserving of love and happiness.
25. I am a unique and valuable individual with many gifts to offer the world.

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References

Kaywell, Joan F., ed. Using literature to help troubled teenagers cope with abuse issues. Greenwood Publishing Group, 2004.