When You Realize Your Ex Was Just Using You, Read This

It’s hard to explain how devastating it is to realize they were just using you this whole time.

It’s one of those things that makes healing seem pointless.

You gave up so much for them, and they just threw you away like you were nothing.

So, how are you supposed to feel anything but worthless?

It’s a question a lot of people come to us asking, and the answer is often reclaiming your choice.

Because it’s not just about what they took.

It’s about the fact that you didn’t get to choose how it was used.

You gave your time, but they wasted it.

You gave your love, but they manipulated it.

You gave your trust, but they abused it.

So you walk away with this unbearable feeling of powerlessness.

An exercise we like to use to address this is called Choose Where It Goes.

Step 1: Name the Parts of You That Were Used

The first step is to name the parts of you that were used.

This could be emotionally, physically, financially, psychologically, socially, or even spiritually.

For example, you might say “my reputation,” “my body”, or “my money.”

The goal here is to capture the real cost of being in a relationship with them.

Step 2: Reclaim the Parts of You That Were Used

The second step is to think about how you can reclaim the parts of you that were used.

Instead of investing into others, how can you invest into yourself?

For example, let’s say you used to spend money on the narcissist’s gym membership, perhaps it’s time to use that money to improve your own health.

Or imagine you used to spend hours trying to figure out how to keep them happy, maybe it’s time to dedicate that energy to discovering what actually makes you happy.

The idea here is to create a list of practical ways you can get a return on your investment.

Step 3: Take Action

The third step is to take action.

Go through the list you made and mark the ones that feel most doable right now.

Then, once a day, a week, or a month — it’s up to you how often— select one of the items on the list and give it a go.

For example, if you wrote down “my energy” and decided rest is one way you can reclaim it,
today you might cancel plans or take a nap.

It doesn’t have to be big or done perfectly — it just has to be an investment into you.

At the end of the day, write down:

• What you did
• How it felt
• And What impact it had on you

Do this as often as you can, and save all the reflections you write.

Over time, you’ll be able to use them to guide yourself toward:

• More of what felt good and had a positive impact
• And less of what felt bad and had a negative impact

This is how you can begin healing that feeling of being used.

Final Thoughts

If you need help with any of this, my team and I host free sessions all week.

You can click here to learn more.

Thank you for reading today’s episode of the Unfilteredd: Narcissistic Partners podcast.

If this was helpful and you’d like to read the next one, please subscribe to our newsletter — we’ll let you know as soon as the next episode is released.

My name is Juliana Akin, your guide to overcoming the effects of narcissistic abuse — and I can’t wait to connect with you in a future episode.

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