Baiting is a manipulation tactic that occurs when someone says or does something manipulative to tempt you to engage in a negative interaction with them. If you were going Gray Rock on the narcissist in your life and they tried to make you angry by saying “Are you ever going to lose weight because everyone is talking about how enormous you look…” that would be considered baiting.

Breadcrumbing, also known as intermittent reinforcement, is the delivery of a reward at irregular intervals. Narcissists use this manipulation tactic to keep you hooked on the relationship.

Codependency is a dysfunctional relationship dynamic where one person assumes the role of “the giver,” sacrificing their own needs and well-being for the sake of the other, “the taker.” 

Narcissists use controlling behaviors to make you dependent by isolating you from support, exploiting you, depriving you of your independence and regulating your everyday behavior.

The term “devaluation” means to reduce or underestimate the worth or importance of someone or something. Narcissists devalue others to protect their grandiose sense of self-importance and belief that they are special and unique. For example, if a narcissist said, “What’s wrong with you? No wonder no one else likes you” this would be considered devaluation.

The term “discarding” means to get rid of (someone or something) as no longer useful or desirable. This is a very common manipulation tactic that narcissists use when they want to punish someone or when they’ve found a “more desirable” source of narcissistic supply.

A narcissist enabler is someone who gaslights you because they don’t understand narcissism or narcissistic abuse, enables a narcissist for their own personal gain, or someone who believes that everyone deserves to be given multiple chances. While enablers may not be as malicious as flying monkeys, they are certainly just as dangerous.

FAQ

This section is dedicated to the hundreds of narcissism/narcissistic abuse related topics that don’t fit into their own categories such as “Will a Narcissist Obey a Restraining Order?” or “Why Do Narcissists Forget Birthdays?”.

Financial abuse is the mistreatment of someone in terms of their money or assets, such as their property. Financial abuse often occurs alongside other forms of abuse. It can include money being stolen or misused, fraud or putting someone under pressure in regards to their money or property.

A flying monkey is someone who helps a narcissist abuse others. Flying monkeys are created when a narcissist spreads demeaning lies about the person that they are abusing, by the fear that narcissistic abuse creates in group settings (e.g. workplace, family system, friend group), or they become a flying monkey because they enjoy drama, toxic environments, and/or being abusive towards others. 

Future faking is when a narcissist makes a false promise in the future to get what they want in the present. With the help of another manipulative tactic called mirroring, narcissists use future faking trick you into believing that you can safely attach your thoughts, feelings, emotions, wishes, goals, and aspirations to them.

Gaslighting is a manipulative technique that occurs when someone doubts or denies your reality. If you called out the abusive person in your life for calling you stupid and they said, “I never called you stupid!” that would be considered gaslighting. However, gaslighting is much more than lies and deceptive wording. Gaslighting all about the environment that you’re in. There are dozens of manipulative behaviors that coexist in gaslighting environments and they all help the abusive people in your life manipulate you into questioning your sanity and doubting your reality.

The Gray Rock Method, Yellow Rock Method, Firewall Method, Low Contact Method, No Contact Method, and setting boundaries that help you restrain yourself from engaging with the abusive/toxic people in your life are the best techniques that you can use to protect yourself and heal from narcissistic abuse.

The term “hoovering” is used to describe a manipulation tactic that occurs when a narcissist says and/or does exactly what you need to hear and/or see to give the relationship that they have with the narcissist another chance. 

Love bombing occurs when someone “bombs” you with extreme displays of attention and affection. Love bombing often occurs in the beginning stages of romantic narcissistic relationships, but it can also happen in narcissistic family systems, work environment, and friendships.

In the narcissistic realm, the term “mirroring” refers to a manipulative process that narcissists use to absorb information about the identity of others and use that information to create a falsified identity that portrays them as “perfect”. With the help of another manipulation tactic called future faking, narcissists use mirroring to trick you into believing that you can safely attach your thoughts, feelings, emotions, needs, wishes, goals, and aspirations to them.

Coming from a narcissistic family of origin often creates a lot of trauma that can have an incredibly negative effect on your life if it is not properly addressed. This category is a thorough exploration of the dynamics of a narcissistic family and gives you the information that you need in order to have a successful healing journey.

Narcissistic Injury

Narcissistic injury, also known as “narcissistic wound” or “wounded ego” are emotional traumas that overwhelm a narcissist’s defense mechanisms and contradicts that grandiose self-perception. Narcissistic injuries trigger the deeply rooted painful thoughts, feelings, and emotions that narcissists use narcissistic supply to suppress.

The four most commonly known narcissistic personalities are grandiose, malignant, covert, and communal. However, there are nine other narcissistic personalities: benign, neglectful, cultural/generational, sadistic, high range, mid range, low-grade, cheerful, and hybrid. In this category you can find information about all thirteen of these different narcissistic personalities.

Narcissistic rage is an unpredictable, explosive, and unjustifiable response that narcissists often have when they experience a narcissistic injury. It can manifest in the form of physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional/psychological abuse, and/or neglect. 

Narcissistic supply is the validation, admiration, reassurance, power, and control that narcissists get from their surrounding environment. Narcissists use supply to construct a positive self-perception and regulate their painful thoughts, feelings, and emotions.

Projection is a defense mechanism that occurs when someone unconsciously takes parts of their identity that they find unacceptable and places them onto someone else (e.g. Sarah, a woman who feels insecure about her femininity, projects her insecurities onto other women by mocking them for acting like men). 

If you have children with a narcissist, you have to be a healthy mirror for your children’s thoughts, feelings, emotions, and needs. Doing this will give them the validation, admiration, and reassurance that they need to develop a realistic sense of self and have a healthy cognitive development. 

A scapegoat is a person who is blamed for the wrongdoings, mistakes, or faults of others, especially for reasons of expediency. Narcissists use scapegoats as repositories for all of their painful thoughts, feelings, and emotions. 

Stonewalling

The term “stonewalling” refers to a narcissist’s refusal to participate in the communication and connection of the relationship. Three of the most common forms of stonewalling are the silent treatment, intimacy avoidance, and gaslighting.

A trauma bond is a psychological response that occurs when an abused person develops an unhealthy attachment to their abuser. This attachment arises from a recurring, cyclical (occurring in cycles) pattern of abuse. The pattern is perpetrated by intermittent reinforcement through rewards and punishments. Trauma bonds are incredibly addictive and often take years to heal from.

When someone turns a one-on-one situation into a two-on-one situation by involving a third party, it is called triangulation. These situations could be conversations, arguments, disagreements, feuds, etc., but the point is that the person recruiting a third party is trying to create a power imbalance so they can dominate the situation.

Working in a narcissistic environment is tough. You’re not going to be valued or respected, conflicts won’t be resolved with empathy and self-awareness, everyone seems unhappy, uninspired, and undetermined, and safely leaving these environments takes a lot of time and planning. This category gives you all the information that you need to keep yourself safe in narcissistic work environments