Does Going No Contact With a Narcissist Work?

The sacrifice victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse must make to truly go no contact with the narcissist in their life is immense. After months, years, and even decades of a pervasive environment of manipulation, trauma, self-doubt, and self-blame, the uncertainty of going no contact can be so terrifying that many victims and survivors begin to wonder if going no contact with the narcissist in their life will even work.

Going no contact with a narcissist works. It has proven itself to be one of the most effective defenses against narcissistic abuse time and time again. As terrifying as it may be, going no contact is by far the best step to take for the victims and survivors in the position to do so.

A successful no contact campaign against a narcissist will force them to find a new source of supply, leaving the survivor of their abuse free to continue their healing journey. With that being said, it takes a tremendous amount of dedication, bravery, and knowledge to do so. 

In fact, we conducted a study among one hundred survivors of narcissistic abuse who used the no contact method to determine how long it took for the no contact method to work and found that on average it took 22 months.

That’s 22 months of fear, guilt, relapses, self-doubt, self-blame, rumination, and a crippling level of anxiety, but it doesn’t have to be. 

Our article How to Deal With the Emotions of Going No Contact With a Narcissist gives readers much more insight on the convoluted world of going no contact with a narcissist but this article is going to give readers four really helpful tips to have a successful no contact campaign against a narcissist.

4 Tips to Have a Successful No Contact Campaign Against a Narcissist

In the study that we mentioned before, 100% of the participants reported that the narcissist in their life attempted to break the no contact method and 69% of the participants reported that the narcissist attempted to break the no contact method over 50 times. After months, years, and even decades of a pervasive environment of manipulation, trauma, self-doubt, and self-blame, managing the narcissist’s relentless onslaught of abuse can feel impossible. 

These negative emotions MUST be managed immediately because going no contact with a narcissist is destined to trigger a narcissistic injury within the narcissist’s psyche. 

For narcissists, narcissistic injuries, which are essentially ego injuries, are very destabilizing. They make the narcissist feel as if they have no power and control over the situation. So, they throw themselves into a narcissistic rage to regain power and control over themselves and others.

Our article What Should You Expect When Going No Contact With a Narcissist gives readers a comprehensive grasp of the many manipulative behaviors that accompany the no contact method and narcissistic injuries but it’s important for victims and survivors to learn about narcissistic abuse, journal, find helpful support groups and a qualified therapist if they are to have a successful no contact campaign. 

Learn About Narcissistic Abuse

Healing from narcissistic abuse is like climbing Mount Everest. If someone were to attempt to climb Mount Everest without knowing where to go, they’d get lost and freeze to death. If someone were to attempt to heal from narcissistic abuse without the knowledge required to do so, they’d remain tethered to the narcissistic abuse cycle for the foreseeable future. 

With that being said, if someone were to attempt to climb Mount Everest without the proper training, they’d get fatigued, pass out, and freeze to death. Well, if someone were to take the time to learn about narcissistic abuse but not use the information to protect themselves, they’d lose themselves in the chaos and be trapped in the abuse cycle indefinitely.

It’s for this reason that it’s important for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse preparing to go no contact with the narcissist in their lives to understand that educating themselves on narcissistic abuse is only half of it, they have to be willing to accept EVERYTHING that comes with knowledge as well. 

We speak about this in our article When Should You Go No Contact With a Narcissist but a successful no contact campaign is heavily dependent on the victim’s or survivor’s ability to acknowledge and accept the repercussions that are likely to come from not only going no contact with the narcissist but healing from narcissistic abuse as a whole.

Without the proper knowledge, those repercussions will be devastating. With the proper knowledge, those repercussions will help the victim or survivor continue down their healing journey, let go of the limitations that the narcissist placed on them, and rediscover what makes them so special. 

Journal About Narcissistic Abuse

The importance journaling has to one’s no contact campaign is immeasurable. Honestly, it’s by far one of the most important techniques one must master when attempting to go no contact with a narcissist and/or healing from narcissistic abuse. 

A narcissist’s objective is to project their emotional instability, suppressed negative emotions, insecurities and vulnerabilities onto their victims. To do so they have many narcissistic behavior patterns that are designed to hijack their victim’s identity, causing them to lose sight of themselves. 

With manipulative behaviors like gaslighting, scapegoating, narcissistic rage, projection, love bombing, and hooveirng, narcissists can manipulate their victim into believing that going no contact is cruel. 

Going no contact with a narcissist IS NOT cruel and we explain why in our article Is Going No Contact With a Narcissist Cruel but journaling can help victims and survivors navigate through these murky waters as well. 

How? 

When going no contact with a narcissist, one should expect the narcissist to portray them in a negative light every single chance that they get in a desperate attempt to protect their own falsified identity. 

You see, due to an unhealthy/abusive upbringing, narcissists have developed an intense hatred for their true identity. They believe that the insecurities and vulnerabilities that make up their true identity make them undesirable, unlovable, rejectable, and to be blunt, disgusting. Unfortunately, the emotional immaturity they’ve also developed from an unhealthy/abusive childhood makes them incapable of regulating this deep hatred for themselves in a healthy way. 

Instead, they build a falsified identity based on their perception of what society values. However, their emotional immaturity makes them incapable of looking past society’s superficial exterior, causing them to gravitate towards appearances, social media, money, social status, and other materialistic things when building their falsified identity. 

Why is that important to know? 

Going no contact with a narcissist contradicts their falsified identity they’ve built for themselves to keep their negative emotions at bay. Once someone cuts off all contact, crater sized holes begin to emerge in the identity that portrays them as admirable, special, unique, honest, desirable and so on. 

What comes through these holes? 

Their suppressed negative emotions! Narcissists are ferocious when it comes to repairing their falsified identity after it has been contradicted and because narcissistic behavior patterns are designed to hijack the identity of their victims to support their fragile sense of self, victims and survivors should expect the narcissist to come at them with EVERYTHING they have. 

This is a really, really traumatizing experience for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse because narcissists are incredibly good at manipulating their victims into abandoning their own core values. Journaling is a really good technique one could use to prevent this from happening.

How? 

By keeping a log of every single time that the narcissist in their lives was physically and/or emotionally abusive, victims and survivors are able to have the validation, reassurance, and physical evidence they need when the narcissist tries to twist their reality up. 

Journaling can be a really hard technique to master just because of how triggering it can be, but again, it is crucial for one’s healing journey because it lays a foundation from which victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse can acknowledge that what they’re experiencing is in fact abuse. 

Finding Good Support Groups and Medical Professionals

As helpful as journaling and learning about narcissistic abuse is, there are going to be days where all of the writing and information in the world couldn’t save the victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse from themselves. 

There are going to be days when victims and survivors are crippled by self-doubt, ruminating thoughts, and self-blame. When those days come it is going to be tempting to fall back into the narcissistic abuse cycle which is why victims and survivors need a good support group and a qualified medical professional to guide them through the darkness.  

Finding people who understand narcissism to be a part of a victim’s or survivor’s support group is not an easy task. If one were to attempt to turn family and friends into supporters, we’d suggest that they learn how to explain narcissism to others first. 

Some people just aren’t ready to acknowledge the presence of narcissism so they end up gaslighting the victim into silence. If they aren’t a flying monkey, the unique approach outlined in that article is a really good way for victims and survivors to recruit supporters, not narcissist enablers. 

Finding medical professionals can be just as challenging as well! Fortunately for you, we’re constantly building our list of qualified, trustworthy, and knowledgeable medical professionals that you can contact here.

Going no contact with a narcissist is incredibly brave because it requires victims and survivors to wake up every single morning and walk into the unknown. However, they don’t have to make that walk alone. With the right people around, the healing journey could turn into one of the most memorable moments in a victim’s or survivor’s inspiring life.

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Disclaimer

This information is for educational purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case.

References:

Green, Ava, and Kathy Charles. “Voicing the Victims of Narcissistic Partners: A Qualitative Analysis of Responses to Narcissistic Injury and Self-Esteem Regulation.” SAGE Open, Apr. 2019,

Copp, Jennifer E et al. “Stay-or-Leave Decision Making in Nonviolent and Violent Dating Relationships.” Violence and victims vol. 30,4 (2015): 581-99. doi:10.1891/0886-6708.VV-D-13-00176