How to Explain Narcissism to Others (9 Important Steps)

A question that people healing from narcissistic abuse often ask, “How do I explain narcissism to others?”

The best way to explain narcissism to others is to focus on explaining the narcissist’s characteristics, personality traits, and behavior patterns.

This is because many people are unwilling to have an honest and open discussion about narcissism and narcissistic abuse. It’s almost as if the second they hear “narcissist,” they pull the “you’re not a doctor” card.

This can be a profoundly invalidating experience, so you are better off avoiding words such as narcissist, narcissism, and even narcissistic when explaining narcissism to others.

In this article, I will show you how to explain each aspect of the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition’s (DSM-5) definition of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) without using the vocabulary I just mentioned so that you can begin explaining narcissism to others.

Step 1.) Talk about a Narcissist’s Grandiose Sense of Self-Importance

The first topic you should bring up when explaining narcissism to others is a narcissist’s grandiose sense of self-importance.

This refers to the narcissist’s belief that they are inherently superior to others.

Here’s an example that I created that you can use to understand better how to explain this aspect of NPD to others:

“Have you ever met someone who thinks the world revolves around them? They behave as if they’re on a pedestal, looking down on everyone else, even if there’s no apparent reason for them to feel this way?

Well, that’s what I am talking about when I say that (the name of the narcissist in your life) has a grandiose sense of self-importance.

In their mind, they’re inherently better than others. It’s not confidence or being proud of their achievements. It goes way beyond that.

For example, (the name of the narcissist in your life) always tries to dominate conversations to steer them back to their experiences, achievements, and attributes. 

Last month, my friends and I were talking about a vacation that I took to the mountains, and (the name of the narcissist in your life) suddenly interrupted us with a story about how they once climbed the highest peak with no training, even though I know they weren’t telling the truth.

Then the next day, I had a tough day at work, but before I could even explain what was going on, (the name of the narcissist in your life) swooped in to tell me how they handled a more significant challenge effortlessly. 

It’s as if they see every situation as an opportunity to shine, even when it’s inappropriate or out of context.”

Step 2.) Talk about a Narcissist’s Preoccupation with Fantasies

The second topic you should bring up is a narcissist’s preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.

This refers to a narcissist’s obsession with fantasies about achieving exceptional success, power, intelligence, beauty, or experiencing the perfect romantic relationship.

Suggested Reading: Why Do Narcissists Fantasize?

Here is an example of how you could go about doing something like this:

“Have you ever known someone who constantly daydreams about being the most successful, powerful, or beautiful person on the planet? 

Because when I say (the name of the narcissist in your life) has a preoccupation with fantasies, this is what I am talking about. 

Their fantasies usually involve achieving exceptional success, wielding immense power, and being remarkably brilliant.

But I don’t want you to think they just have high aspirations because their fantasies are on a whole other level.

For example, last year (the name of the narcissist in your life) spent hours talking to me about scenarios where they are wildly successful at work.

Which is fine, but then they didn’t do anything to become successful. They just sat around expecting everything to be done for them.

When I tried to talk to them about it, they would just go on and on about how nobody understood how amazing they are and how they would be the most successful person in the company the following year.”

Step 3.) Talk about a Narcissist’s Belief That They Are Special and Unique

The third topic you should bring up when explaining narcissism to others is a narcissist’s belief that they are special and unique.

This refers to their conviction that they are extraordinary and exceptional, unlike anyone else. 

Here’s an example of how you could do this:

“You know how some people think they’re just extra special? 

Not just in the sense of having good self-esteem, but more like they’re on a different plane of existence than the rest of us?

(the name of the narcissist in your life) is like this.

They truly believe they are so extraordinary and exceptional that they stand apart from everyone else, even though there is no evidence.

Last week (the name of the narcissist in your life) insisted they should only hang out with the elite or successful folks because regular people don’t get them. 

On top of that, they continuously drop names of influential or high-status people they claim to associate with because they think it makes them superior.“

Step 4.) Talk about a Narcissist’s Need for Excessive Admiration

The fourth topic you should discuss when explaining narcissism to others is a narcissist’s need for excessive admiration.

This refers to their insecure and insufferable desire for constant praise, compliments, and admiration from others.

Here’s an example of how you could explain this to someone:

“Do you know anyone who is always fishing for compliments, like they’re living off the praise they get from others? 

Well, when I say that (name of the narcissist in your life) has an excessive need for admiration, this is what I am talking about.

They do not just appreciate a pat on the back; they almost seem to need admiration to function.

Last Christmas, I brought (the name of the narcissist in your life) to my company party, and they turned every conversation they could towards their achievements, hoping for praise.

It was so strange. But it gets worse.

People got fed up with them toward the end of the party and just started ignoring them. He got furious and screamed at everyone for not listening to what he had to say.

Then (the name of the narcissist in your life) got on social media, started bad-mouthing my company, and posted many things about how hard the party was to get likes and positive comments.

The party wasn’t hard; people just stopped giving them the admiration they were searching for, and they flipped out because of it.”

Step 5.) Talk about a Narcissist’s Sense of Entitlement

The fifth topic you should bring up when explaining narcissism to others is a narcissist’s sense of entitlement. 

This refers to their deeply held belief that they deserve special privileges, treatment, or compliance from others, simply because of who they are.

Here’s an example of how I would suggest you do this:

“You know those people who act like the world owes them something just because they’re them? Like they should always get special treatment or have things their way?

(the name of the narcissist in your life) is like this.

Seriously, they believe they deserve special treatment, privileges, or compliance from others, simply due to who they are. 

Last night (the name of the narcissist in your life) told me they expect to be the number one priority in my life, no matter the situation. 

This isn’t an isolated incident either. There have been many times where (the name of the narcissist in your life) expected me to drop everything to attend to their needs, without considering if it’s convenient for me.”

Step 6.) Talk about a Narcissist’s Interpersonally Exploitative Behavior

The sixth thing you should discuss when explaining narcissism to others is a narcissist’s interpersonally exploitative behavior.

This refers to their tendency to manipulate others for their gain.

Suggested Reading: How Do Narcissists Manipulate You?

Here’s an example I wrote up detailing how you could do this:

“Have you ever met someone who seems to be playing others like chess pieces, using them for their own benefit? 

Well, this is how the way (the name of the narcissist in your life) makes me feel. 

They have no problem using me for their gain, and they never consider the negative impact their actions might have on me.

For example, at the beginning of our relationship, (the name of the narcissist in your life) borrowed money from me and never paid me back.

When I asked to be paid back, they would guilt-trip me into believing I was selfish and should be a better partner.

When I tried to explain myself, they threatened to leave me. I was so scared of being left and confused about what was happening that I would just drop it.”

Step 7.) Talk about a Narcissist’s Lack of Empathy. 

The seventh thing you should mention when explaining narcissism to others is a narcissist’s lack of empathy. 

This refers to their inability to understand, recognize, or resonate with the feelings, needs, or experiences of others.

Here’s an example of how you can do this:

“You know how some people struggle to put themselves in someone else’s shoes? Like they can’t quite grasp or care about what someone else is going through?

This is exactly what I mean when I say that (the name of the narcissist in your life) lacks empathy.

They have a hard time understanding, recognizing, and resonating with the feelings, needs, or experiences of others. 

I used to think that this was just them having a bad day or being temporarily self-absorbed. Boy, was I wrong. 

It’s more of a consistent inability or unwillingness to empathize with others. For example, when my friend died, (name of the narcissist in your life) laughed at me because I was crying, and they couldn’t understand why I wanted to ‘waste my time’ by going to her funeral.“

Step 8.) Talk about a Narcissist’s Envy of Others or Belief That Others are Envious of Them

The eighth thing you should do when explaining narcissism to others is talk about a narcissist’s envy or belief that others are envious of them.

This refers to their tendency to either feel envious of other people’s successes, achievements, or possessions or to believe that others are envious of them.

Suggested Reading: Why Do Narcissists Get So Jealous?

Here’s how you could do this:

“Have you ever met someone who was always jealous of what others have or thought everyone else is jealous of them?

Well, (the name of the narcissist in your life) is like this. 

It doesn’t matter who it is; they envy other people’s successes, achievements, or possessions. 

When I try to talk to them about it, they somehow flip the blame on me and say that I am the one who is envious of them.

It is exhausting to deal with them always comparing themselves to others and resentful when someone else gets something they don’t have.

I remember I ‘messed up’ one day by telling (the name of the narcissist in your life) about the promotion I got at work. They tried telling me that I was just boasting and trying to make them feel bad, then proceeded to give me the silent treatment for a week.

Being around someone who feels threatened by your success isn’t nice.”

Step 9.) Talk about a Narcissist’s Arrogant and Haughty Behaviors or Attitudes

The ninth thing that you should do when explaining narcissism to others is discuss a narcissist’s arrogant and haughty behaviors or attitudes.

This refers to their tendency to display superior, dismissive, or contemptuous behaviors or attitudes toward others.

Here’s an example of how you could do this:

“You know those people who act like they’re better than everyone else like they’re on top of the world and everyone else is beneath them?

This is what I mean when I say that (the name of the narcissist in your life) displays arrogant and haughty behaviors and attitudes.

They always put others down or make derogatory comments to assert their false sense of superiority. 

They constantly brush off other people’s ideas and opinions because they believe they know better.

And they behave so condescendingly towards anyone they perceive as ‘lower’ than themselves in status, intelligence, or attractiveness.”

What Should You Take Away from This Article?

I hope that you found this article helpful. Of course, these were just examples that I made up, but you can read them and figure out how to apply the language/strategy to your own situation.

But yeah, the best approach that you can have when explaining narcissism to others is to focus on explaining the narcissist’s characteristics, personality traits, and behavior patterns.

Doing this will help you protect yourself form being invalidated by people who aren’t willing to have an honest and open discussion about narcissism and narcissistic abuse.