If you’re in a position where you’re able to distance yourself from the narcissist in your life—perhaps even go no contact—a question you might be asking yourself is:
“Will a narcissist just let you move on?”
In most cases, the answer is no. A narcissist isn’t going to let you move on easily because they rely on the validation, admiration, reassurance, power, and control—often referred to as narcissistic supply—that they’ve been siphoning from you throughout your entire relationship.
In this article, I’ll explain each of these in more detail to help you grasp a better understanding of the fight the narcissist in your life might put up when you try to move on.
1.) They Need Validation
Validation refers to confirming something as true or correct.
Deep down, narcissists feel unlovable, unwanted, inadequate, worthless, and weak.
To avoid dealing with these painful thoughts and emotions, they create a grandiose self-image.1
Narcissists rely on the validation of others to keep this inflated self-image intact.
When they receive praise or agreement, it reinforces their exaggerated sense of self.
If a narcissist were to let you move on, they would lose the validation you provide.
As a result, their self-image would start to crumble, forcing them to confront the insecurities they work so hard to suppress.
Suggested Reading: How Do Narcissists See Themselves?
2.) They Crave Admiration
Admiration means feeling respect and approval for someone or something.
The deep feelings of being unlovable, inadequate, and worthless constantly threaten the narcissist’s grandiose self-image.
To protect it, they seek admiration, which lifts their self-image and reinforces their belief that they are not only worthy but superior to others.2
This admiration helps them push aside their feelings of inadequacy and shields their inflated self-image from being challenged.
If a narcissist were to let you move on, they would lose the admiration you give them.
This loss would knock them off their pedestal and puncture massive holes in their grandiose self-image.
Suggested Reading: Why Do Narcissists Want to be Admired and Praised?
3.) They Constantly Seek Reassurance
Reassurance is the action of removing someone’s doubts or fears.
Even with validation and admiration, narcissists constantly need reassurance that their grandiose self-image is real.3
They also need reassurance that they aren’t at risk of being exposed to others.
The fear of being “found out” terrifies them, and reassurance helps calm these fears, allowing them to maintain the illusion of their inflated self-image.
If a narcissist were to let you move on, they would lose the reassurance you provide.
Without it, they would have no way to prove to themselves that their grandiose self-image is real.
4.) They Depend on Power
Power refers to the ability to direct or influence the behavior of others or the course of events.
Narcissists feel inadequate and weak deep down, but by influencing others, they convince themselves they are strong and capable.
Power validates their grandiose self-image and reassures them that their true feelings of weakness don’t exist.4
If a narcissist were to let you move on, they would lose the power they have over you.
This would validate their deeply rooted feelings of inadequacy and weakness, which is why they don’t want to just let you move on.
5.) They Want to Maintain Control
Control refers to the ability to manage or influence one’s surroundings—physically, socially, or psychologically.
Narcissists use unhealthy tactics to manage their internal world, leaving them feeling unstable and on the brink of collapse.
Because of this, their grandiose self-image is fragile, and they constantly suppress feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness.5
To manage this chaos, they seek control over their surroundings, creating a false sense of stability that helps them hold off the collapse of their inner world.
If a narcissist were to let you move on, they would lose the control they have over you, leaving them vulnerable.
This loss would destabilize their internal world and increase the risk of you exposing who they really are to others.
Suggested Reading: 8 Powerful Tactics That Narcissists Use to Control You
Conclusion
One thing I want to make very clear before you go is that just because a narcissist won’t let you move on easily, it doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t try.
It’s not going to be easy, but it is certainly possible. Setting boundaries, prioritizing your well-being, and seeking support are key steps to breaking free from their grip.
I also encourage you to dive deeper into narcissism and narcissistic abuse.
Why?
Well, there are other reasons a narcissist won’t let you move on—such as their sense of entitlement, fear of abandonment, and inability to handle rejection.
Understanding these dynamics will empower you to take back control of your life. Thank you for reading, and I’ll catch you in the next article!
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About the Author
Hey, I’m Elijah.
I experienced narcissistic abuse for several years and was shocked by just how common it is. I create these articles to spread awareness.
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