This question came straight from our community: “Why would a narcissist suddenly end the silent treatment?” I did some research, and here’s what I pieced together.
A narcissist will end the silent treatment when they need something from you, want to regain control over you, see you’re doing well without them, need more narcissistic supply, want to make you feel guilty, or want to start an argument.
In this article, I will guide you through each of these to help you understand the reasons narcissists end the silent treatment.
1.) When They Need Something From You
Narcissists tend to come back when they need something from you.
This could be emotional support, a favor, or even just your attention to boost their ego.
When they realize you have something they want or need, they might suddenly end the silent treatment to get it.
For example, imagine you’re good at fixing cars, and the narcissist in your life knows this.
They’ve been giving you the silent treatment for weeks because of an argument.
However, one day, their car breaks down, and they desperately need it fixed to get to work.
Suddenly, you receive a message from them, acting as if nothing happened, asking for your help with the car.
In this example, the narcissist broke the silent treatment because they realized they needed your skills.
2.) When They Want to Regain Control Over You
If you start showing signs of moving on or being unaffected by their silent treatment, the narcissist will feel like they are losing control over you.
This is a big problem for them because to maintain a positive self-perception, narcissists need to feel powerful and in control.1
So, seeing you unbothered by their tactics can, and often does, drive them to break the silent treatment to regain control over you.
For example, let’s say you’ve been given the silent treatment for a while, but instead of chasing after them, you focus on your hobbies and friends.
One day, a friend of yours posts a picture on social media of you two having a good time at the cinema, theme park, or something fun like that.
Seeing this, the narcissist decides to reach out, pretending to be interested in your life again.
They don’t actually care about your life. They just hope reaching out will make you engage with them, giving them back the control they crave.
Related: 8 Powerful Tactics That Narcissists Use to Control You
3.) When They See You Doing Well Without Them
Seeing you happy and thriving without them can sometimes prompt a narcissist to break the silent treatment.
This isn’t because they’re happy for you; rather, it’s because your independence threatens their ego.
They come back, often with compliments or seemingly kind gestures, in an attempt to reinsert themselves into your life.
For example, say you start a new hobby or project and share your excitement about it on social media.
The narcissist, noticing your joy and the positive attention you’re receiving from others, decides to send you a message congratulating you.
Their aim here is to reinsert themselves back into your life, hoping to regain a position of significance or sabotage your happiness.
Related: Why Do Narcissists Want You to Fail?
4.) When They’re Seeking Narcissistic Supply
Narcissistic supply is the validation, admiration, reassurance, power, and control narcissists need to feel emotionally stable.2
The biggest, most reliable sources of supply narcissists have access to are typically the people in their lives.
Why am I telling you this?
Well, suppose a narcissist gives someone the silent treatment.
If that person doesn’t give them a reaction they crave, for example, begging for forgiveness, they are no longer a reliable source of supply.
When this happens, it is common for narcissists to try to break the silent treatment and weasel their way back into the person’s life.
They will act like they genuinely miss this person or care about rekindling the relationship, but this isn’t true.
All they care about is getting the validation, admiration, reassurance, power, and control (narcissistic supply) they once got from this individual.
Related: What Happens When a Narcissist Runs Out of Narcissistic Supply?
5.) To Provoke You Into an Argument
A narcissist might end the silent treatment by using a tactic called baiting with the specific intention of provoking you into an argument.3
This often happens when they feel ignored or need an emotional reaction to feel powerful, in control, and superior.
By sparking an argument, they shift the focus back onto themselves and create an opportunity to criticize or belittle you.
For example, imagine you’ve been enjoying a peaceful period during the silent treatment, focusing on your own interests.
Out of the blue, the narcissist sends you a message or confronts you with a statement designed to upset you—perhaps criticizing something you’re passionate about or questioning your decisions in a demeaning way.
Their goal here is to get you to respond defensively, leading to an argument that shifts your attention and emotional energy back onto them.
Related: 5 Reasons You Shouldn’t Argue with a Narcissist
6.) To Make You Feel Guilty
The last reason a narcissist might break the silent treatment that I’ll cover in this article is to guilt-trip you.
This tactic is used to make you feel responsible for their emotional state or to convince you that the rift in the relationship is your fault.
When they use guilt-tripping, their goal is to manipulate you into seeking their forgiveness, thereby putting themselves in a position of power from which they can dictate the terms of your interaction.
For example, imagine that after a period of giving you the silent treatment, the narcissist reaches out with a manipulative message.
They say:
“I’ve been thinking a lot, and it’s sad how you’ve forgotten all the good times we’ve had. I’ve been here, suffering silently, while you seem just fine.”
They are saying this to make you feel guilty for moving on or showing indifference toward their silent treatment.
The narcissist hopes that this guilt will compel you to reach out and make amends, putting them back in control of the relationship dynamics.4
For more helpful information like this, visit Unfilteredd’s Institute of Healing from Narcissistic Abuse today.
What Should You Take Away from This Article?
As a general rule, narcissists end the silent treatment:
- When they need something from you.
- When they want to regain control over you.
- When they see you’re doing well without them.
- When they need more narcissistic supply.
- When they want to make you feel guilty.
- When they want to start an argument.
Thanks so much for reading through to the end!
If this piece has raised any questions or you’d like to share your perspective, please comment below. Your engagement is important to me, and I’d love to talk with you.
And if you want to learn more about narcissistic abuse, take a look at our latest articles. They’re packed with helpful information on this very subject.
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About the Author
Hey, I’m Elijah.
I experienced narcissistic abuse for three years.
I create these articles to help you understand and validate your experiences.
Thank you for reading, and remember, healing is possible even when it feels impossible.