We had this question from the community: “How do narcissists respond when you cry?” I got curious and looked into it. Here’s what I figured out.
If you cry in front of a narcissist, they will have an insensitive, hostile, or aggressive response, such as dismissing your feelings, using your vulnerability against you, getting angry or frustrated, changing the subject so that they can talk about themselves, playing the victim, or offering superficial support.
In this article, I will guide you through each one of these so you can understand how narcissists typically respond when you cry in front of them.
1.) They Ignore or Dismiss Your Feelings
A common reaction a narcissist might have when you cry is to ignore or dismiss your feelings.
They may act as if they don’t notice your tears, or if they do acknowledge them, they might belittle the reason you’re crying.
For example, imagine you’ve had a terrible day at work, and everything seems to be going wrong.
When you try to share your feelings with a narcissist, hoping for some comfort, they might respond with something like:
“Why are you making such a big deal out of this? Just get over it.”
This response makes you feel like your feelings aren’t valid.
The narcissist does this because they lack empathy and struggle to put themselves in someone else’s shoes.
They’re more focused on their own feelings and needs, so your distress is seen as a minor issue or even an inconvenience to them.1
2.) They Use Your Vulnerability Against You
Another way a narcissist might act when you cry is by using your vulnerability against you.2
During a moment when you’re emotionally open and perhaps sharing your insecurities, a narcissist sees an opportunity.
They might initially listen and seem supportive, but later, they use what you’ve shared to manipulate or control you.
For instance, let’s say you’re crying because you feel insecure about not being good enough at your job.
A narcissist might comfort you initially, but then later, in an argument or when they want to get their way, they’ll bring up your insecurity by saying something like:
“Well, you’re not exactly employee of the month, so I don’t think you’re in a position to argue.”
This tactic not only hurts you but also reminds you of your vulnerabilities, making you more dependent on their approval and less likely to stand up for yourself.
3.) They Get Angry or Frustrated
Sometimes, when you start crying in front of a narcissist, they might react with anger or frustration.3
This reaction can be shocking and hurtful.
For example, imagine you’re upset about something a friend said that hurt your feelings, and as you’re explaining this to a narcissist, tears start rolling down your cheeks.
Instead of offering comfort, the narcissist might say, “Why do you always have to be so sensitive? You’re making a scene and embarrassing me.”
Their anger isn’t really about you being sensitive; it’s about how your crying makes them feel and how it reflects on them.
Meaning they might be thinking more about how the situation affects their image or how it inconveniences them, rather than your emotional pain.
This reaction can leave you feeling guilty for crying and hesitant to share your feelings in the future, which isolates you emotionally.
Related: How to Respond to an Angry Narcissist
4.) They Change the Subject to Themselves
Another way a narcissist might respond to your tears is by shifting the focus to themselves.4
This can be very subtle and might even seem supportive at first glance.
For instance, if you’re crying over a personal loss and seeking some solace, a narcissist might start by listening but quickly turn the conversation to their own experiences or feelings.
They might say something like, “I know exactly how you feel. When I lost my job last year, I was devastated. Let me tell you all about what I went through.”
Suddenly, the conversation is no longer about your grief but about them.
This maneuver is a way for the narcissist to bring attention back to themselves, making them the center of the conversation again.
It can leave you feeling unheard and invalidated, as your moment of vulnerability is overshadowed by their need for attention.
Related: Why Narcissists Only Talk about Themselves
5.) They Turn the Situation Around to Play the Victim
A particularly disorienting reaction from a narcissist when you’re crying is their ability to turn the situation around and make themselves the victim.
This maneuver can be subtle or overt, depending on the individual.
Let’s say you’re expressing disappointment and start crying because a narcissist failed to keep an important promise to you.
Instead of acknowledging their mistake and comforting you, they might respond with, “You’re always blaming me for everything. Do you know how hard I work to make you happy? You don’t appreciate anything I do.”
This response shifts the blame from their actions to your supposed lack of appreciation, making you feel guilty for being upset in the first place.
The narcissist plays the victim to deflect responsibility and garner sympathy, leaving your initial concern and emotional pain unaddressed.5
Related: 10 Tactics Narcissists Use to Make You Feel Guilty
6.) They Offer Superficial Comfort Without Genuine Empathy
A narcissist may offer what appears to be comfort when you cry, but it lacks depth and genuine empathy.
This can be one of the more confusing reactions because it mimics what a caring response looks like on the surface.
For example, if you’re upset and crying about a personal issue, a narcissist might hug you, pat your back, and say, “Don’t cry; everything will be okay.”
However, their comfort often feels rehearsed or hollow, and they might quickly try to move on from the situation without really understanding or addressing your feelings.
The narcissist’s goal here is to appear empathetic and caring without engaging in the emotional labor of providing true support.
This lack of genuine empathy means that while you might momentarily feel consoled, the underlying issues and emotional needs remain unmet.
7.) They Use the Situation to Highlight Their Own Strengths
A narcissist may use your moment of vulnerability as an opportunity to highlight their own strengths or accomplishments.
This is a subtle form of manipulation where they indirectly suggest that they are somehow better for not having the same emotional response.
For example, if you’re upset and crying over a difficult situation, a narcissist might respond with: “When I was in a similar situation, I just powered through it. You need to be stronger.”
By comparing your reaction unfavorably to their own, they fail to offer genuine support and use the opportunity to talk about themselves.
This leaves you feeling inadequate and possibly questioning your own resilience, while the narcissist reinforces their self-image of strength and invulnerability.
For more helpful information like this, visit Unfilteredd’s Institute of Healing from Narcissistic Abuse today.
What Should You Take Away from This Article?
When you cry in front of a narcissist, they will often have an insensitive, hostile, or aggressive response. This can, and often does, manifest in the form of:
- Ignoring or dismissing your feelings.
- Using your vulnerability against you.
- Getting angry or frustrated.
- Changing the subject so that they can talk about themselves.
- Playing the victim.
- Offering superficial support.
Thanks a bunch for reading! If you’ve got any questions or just want to share your take on this topic, hit up the comments. I’d love to connect with you.
And if you want to learn more about narcissistic behavior, our latest articles are clear, easy-to-understand, and full of the information you’re seeking.
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I experienced narcissistic abuse for several years and was shocked by just how common it is. I create these articles to spread awareness.
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