How Long Do Narcissistic Relationships Last? (1000 Person Survey)

During one of our live therapist-led Q&A sessions, a member from our healing community asked, “How long do narcissistic relationships last?” 

We surveyed 1000 people who have experienced narcissistic abuse from a romantic partner. The participants in our survey were between the ages of 25 and 65, and we found that, on average, a relationship with a narcissist lasts nine-and-a-half years.

In this article, I will guide you through the most common reasons for staying and leaving that the participants in our survey reported.

9 Reasons Our Survey Participants Stayed In the Relationship

Note that the percentages add up to more than 100% because many participants could identify with multiple reasons for staying in a narcissistic relationship.

1.) Lack of Awareness: This means the participant stayed because they didn’t realize they were in a narcissistic relationship. (65%, 650 participants)

“All the signs were there. I just didn’t see them. I didn’t know I was experiencing abuse. I thought it was just a rough patch in our relationship.” – Participant 173

2.) Love: The participant stayed because they loved the narcissist and believed they could help or change them. (40%, 400 participants)

“I truly loved them. Even though they hurt me, I believed in them. I thought love could cure everything, even their abusive actions.” – Participant 298

3.) Manipulation: The participant stayed because the narcissist manipulated them. (60%, 600 participants)

Suggested Reading: How Do Narcissists Manipulate You?

“They had a way of twisting everything around. It was always my fault, I was always the one to blame. It’s scary how powerful their manipulation was.” – Participant 424

4.) Fear: The participant stayed because they feared the narcissist’s potential reactions if they tried to leave. (50%, 500 participants)

“I was terrified of them. I didn’t want to even mention leaving. Their rage was like a thunderstorm, unpredictable and devastating.” – Participant 571

5.) Isolation: The participant stayed because the narcissist isolated them from friends and family. They felt they had nowhere to go and no one to ask for help. (45%, 450 participants)

“I was completely alone; they made sure of that. They isolated me from everyone. I felt I had no one but them.” – Participant 460

6.) Financial Dependence: The participant stayed because they relied on the narcissist for money. (30%, 300 participants)

“I had nowhere to go and no money of my own. They controlled the finances completely; I felt trapped and helpless.” – Participant 313

7.) Children: The participant stayed because they had children with the narcissist. (25%, 250 participants)

“Our children were the reason I stayed. I didn’t want to turn their world upside down by dragging them through a divorce.” – Participant 242

8.) Low Self-Esteem: The participant stayed because they believed they deserved the treatment they received. (55%, 550 participants)

“I didn’t believe I deserved better. They had worn down my self-esteem to the point where I thought their abuse was all I was worth.” – Participant 587

9.) Trauma Bonding: The participant stayed because they were trauma bonded. (90%, 900 participants)

Suggested Reading: How to Break a Trauma Bond with a Narcissist in 11 Steps

“The highs were as intense as the lows. It was a cycle of pain and reconciliation. I knew it was toxic, but I felt addicted to the chaos.” – Participant 512

9 Reasons Our Survey Participants Left In the Relationship

Note that the percentages add up to more than 100% because many participants could identify with multiple reasons for leaving the narcissistic relationship.

1.) Awareness and Education: The participant left the relationship because they became aware they were in a narcissistic relationship. (40%, 400 participants)

“Reading that article on narcissistic behavior was like a light bulb moment for me. Suddenly, everything fell into place. I realized I wasn’t crazy or imagining things.” – Participant 402

2.) Increasing Severity of Abuse: The participant left because the abusive behavior worsened; they couldn’t ignore or justify it any longer. (55%, 550 participants)

Suggested Reading: How to Know if a Narcissist Will Kill You (16 Signs to Keep You Safe)

“The abuse escalated to a point I couldn’t ignore anymore. It was no longer just verbal, it had become physical and I feared for my life.” – Participant 545

3.) Impact on Mental Health: The participant left because the relationship harmed their mental health. (60%, 600 participants)

“My mental health was deteriorating rapidly. I was anxious, depressed, and I knew I couldn’t go on living like this. Leaving was a matter of survival.” – Participant 619

4.) Intervention from Others: The participant left because someone outside the relationship intervened such as a friend, family member, or professional. (30%, 300 participants)

“It was my best friend who got through to me. She helped me see the reality of my situation. Without her intervention, I might still be there.” – Participant 307

5.) Impact on Children: The participant left the relationship because they were concerned about their children. (25%, 250 participants)

Suggested Reading: How Do Narcissists Treat Their Children?

“I looked at my children and realized they were witnessing a terrible example of a relationship. I couldn’t let them grow up thinking this was normal.” – Participant 258

6.) Change in Circumstances: The participant left because there was a major change in their life that made leaving easier, such as getting a new job out of state. (20%, 200 participants)

“Getting that new job out of state was a lifeline. It gave me the means and the distance I needed to finally leave.” – Participant 213

7.) Reaching a Breaking Point: The participant left because they reached their limit of tolerable abuse or disrespect. (50%, 500 participants)

“I hit rock bottom. I remember looking in the mirror one day and not recognizing myself. I knew then that something had to change.” – Participant 507

8.) Advice from Therapists or Counselors: The participant left because they received helpful advice from mental health professionals. (55%, 550 participants)

“My therapist gave me the tools and the courage to leave. They validated my feelings and helped me realize that I was not the problem.” – Participant 368

9.) Physical Health Concerns: The participant left because the stress and physical abuse in the relationship was damaging their health. (40%, 400 participants)

“My body started breaking down. The stress was literally making me sick. I realized then that I had to leave if I wanted to survive.” – Participant 412

What Should You Take Away from This Article?

Please keep in mind that this was just a survey we conducted among our audience. 

Yes, our survey revealed that nine-and-a-half years is the average duration of a narcissistic relationship, but that is just because of the audience we have.

Depending on the circumstances, narcissistic relationships can last for months, years, or even decades.

I hope you enjoyed this article, have a great rest of your day!

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