How to Know if a Narcissist Will Kill You (16 Signs to Keep You Safe)

Narcissists can be some of the most dangerous people on the planet.

In public, they are often charming, charismatic, articulate, and relatively pleasant.

But behind closed doors, they are unpredictable, lack empathy, exploitative, full of rage, dangerous, and sometimes, life threatening.  

To keep you as safe as possible, this article is going to guide you through 16 different signs that the narcissist in your life could potentially kill you.

16 Signs That the Abuser in Your Life Is Capable of Homicide

1. Has Your Abuser Ever Choked, Strangled, or Suffocated You With either His/Her Hands or an Object?

The chances of homicide increase by 750% for people who’ve been choked, strangled, or suffocated by their abuser versus those who haven’t. 

2. Does the Abuser in Your Life Express Ownership Over You?(“You can never leave me;” “Death before divorce;” “If I can’t have you, nobody can.”)

The risk of the violence escalating to serious injury or homicide is significantly higher when your abuser makes statements that imply he/she owns you. ‘

3. Has the Abuser in Your Life Threatened or Expressed Dreams, Fantasies, or Ideas About Killing You, the Children, Your Relatives, and/or Himself/Herself? 

Threatening to kill you, your children, relatives and/or expressing such ideas is one of the strongest risk factors commonly linked to homicide. 

4. Does Your Abuser Have a History of Domestic Violence? 

A history of Domestic Violence is the second most common risk factor found to be present in Domestic Homicides. Research studies indicate that those who are severely verbally abusive are very likely to become physically violent against their partners.

5. Is the Abuser in Your Life Dependent on You? Put You Above Everyone Else? Isolate You From Friends, Family, and/or the Community?

Experts say that when an abuser exhibits these behaviors, the violence often escalates after the abused woman leaves the relationship. This is the third most common risk factor (62%).

6. Has There Ever Been Any Weapons (firearms, knives, bats etc.) Involved in Domestic Violence? 

Weapons are present in 40% of death review cases. 

7. Is Your Abuser Depressed or Not Seeing the Value of His/Her Own Life? 

Depression is a common precursor to murder-suicide and is something that should be taken seriously when considering your own safety. 

8. Has There Been Violence When You Left the Relationship and/or Violence When You Tried to End the Relationship? 

Domestic violence circulates around your abuser’s need for power & control. If they were to feel that they were losing power & control, you could be at a greater risk of deadly violence. 

9. Has Your Abuser Stalked You, Held You Hostage, or Taken You Against Your Will?

 The risk of violence and/or homicide rises.

10. Does the Abuser in Your Life Frequently Use Drugs and/or Alcohol? 

Drug and/or alcohol use is present in 42% of Domestic Homicides. 

11. Have You Ever Experienced Physical Abuse During a Pregnancy? 

Pregnancy increases the risk of serious assault or homicide. In fact, domestic violence often escalates from verbal/emotional abuse to physical abuse during pregnancy. 

12. Have You Noticed an Increase in Violence and/or Other Dangerous Behavior?

The risk of violence and/or homicide rises.

13. Has Your Abuser Violated a Restraining Order or Protection Order Before? 

The risk of violence and/or homicide rises.

14. Is There Any Kind of Sexual Violence or Sexual Coercion Going On? 

Abusers who tend to force sexual encounters are more likely to move to lethal actions. 

15. Has Your Abuser Ever Abused You In Public? 

The risk of violence and/or homicide rises.

16. Is There Any Kind of Cyberstalking Going On? 

Constant texts and phone calls, a need to be updated on your whereabouts, or the installation of spyware/tracking devices on your computer or phone are huge indicators of potential violence and/or homicide. 

What Should You Take Away From This Article?

Abuse of any kind (e.g. physical, sexual, emotional/psychological,) is never justifiable.

If you are in an abusive relationship, we strongly encourage you to reach out to anyone and everyone you can (e.g. friends, family, coworkers, domestic violence/suicide prevention hotlines) to get the help that you need to escape the relationship. 

---

References:

See “Risk Factors for Femicide in Abusive Relationships: Results From a Multisite Case Control Study,” Jacquelyn C. Campbell, PhD, RN, et al., Am J Public Health 93(7): 1089–1097 (July 2003)

See, for example, Murder-Suicide: A Review of the Recent Literature, Scott Eliason, MD, J Am Acad Psychiatry Law 37:3:371-376 (September 2009)

See How to Recognize and Act on Risk Factors for Domestic Violence Homicide, Ralph J. Riviello, MD, ACEP Now (May 2014); see also Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Intimate Partner Violence During Pregnancy, A Guide for Clinicians

Glass et al. Non-fatal strangulation is an important risk factor for homicide of women. J Emerg Med. 2008 Oct; 35(3): 329–335 (2008).

Kjærvik, S. L., & Bushman, B. J. (2021). The link between narcissism and aggression: A meta-analytic review. Psychological Bulletin, 147(5), 477–503. 

https://news.osu.edu/narcissism-linked-to-aggression-in-review-of-437-studies/

---

Disclaimer

This information is for educational purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case.