Narcissists jump from relationship to relationship. In fact, in our article “Is Cheating Actually a Part of Narcissism?“ we found that the romantic relationships that narcissists have usually overlap with one another. This suggests that narcissists often have another romantic relationship lined up while they’re still in a relationship with their soon to be ex.
Narcissists jump from relationship to relationship for narcissistic supply. They use manipulation tactics such as mirroring, future faking, and love bombing, to turn their new relationship into a reliable source of narcissistic supply that they use to construct a positive self-perception.
This article is going to help you grasp a comprehensive understanding of why jumping from relationship to relationship is so beneficial for a narcissist. This article has information for all types of relationships but if you are going through a divorce with a narcissist, we believe that you’ll find our article “Why Do Narcissists Remarry So Quickly?“ helpful.
Starting a New Relationship Gives Narcissists a Massive Amount of Narcissistic Supply
If you didn’t know already, the term “narcissistic supply” refers to the validation, admiration, reassurance, power, and control that narcissists get from their surrounding environments.
If you want to protect yourself from narcissistic abuse, you have to grasp a comprehensive understanding of narcissistic supply. Our article “How Are Narcissists Made?“ explains why narcissists need supply so badly, but for this article it is important to know that narcissists use narcissistic supply to suppress all of their painful thoughts, feelings, and emotions.
When a narcissist has full control of the thoughts, feelings, and emotions of someone else, they feel emotionally stable. In our article “Can You Fix a Marriage With a Narcissist?” there’s a lot of information about this but having this level of control over someone and seeing how it destroys them is emotionally stabilizing for a narcissist.
Why?
Well, because it allows them to project all of their suppressed painful thoughts, feelings, and emotions onto someone else. By seeing someone completely and utterly destroyed by their behavior, narcissists are able to figuratively point their finger at them and think to themselves, “I am not the weak, inadequate, worthless, unlovable, and unwanted one… they are!”
We wanted to bring this up because when a narcissist destroys someone, that person usually emotionally and/or physically checks out of the relationship.
We spoke about this a lot in our article “What Happens When a Narcissist Runs Out of Narcissistic Supply?“ but a lack of narcissistic supply triggers the painful thoughts, feelings, and emotions that narcissists have and compromises their emotional stability. This is the driving force of a narcissist’s tendency to jump from relationship to relationship.
We are going to dive into the different manipulation tactics that narcissists use to turn their new relationships into big sources of narcissistic supply shortly, but one thing that is worth mentioning to help you understand this article a little bit better is that narcissist’s don’t value the relationships they have with others the same way that non-narcissistic people do.
What do we mean by this?
We spoke about this a lot in our article “What Do Narcissists Want In a Relationship?“ but narcissists couldn’t care less about your thoughts, feelings, emotions, and needs. They only care about the narcissistic supply that you give them.
Narcissists don’t value the relationships that they have with other people. They lack empathy, they are selfish, and they are immature. They abuse and manipulate you until you have nothing left and then they jump into another relationship like nothing ever happened.
In a short video (see below) Dr. Karen Kuemerle-Pinillos, a PhD Level Clinician and Licensed Clinical Social Worker, speaks about how narcissists crave a deep connection with other people but lack the skills needed to have one. This leads to the gravitating towards superficial relationships which explains why they are able to jump from relationship to relationship so easily!
Dr. Karen Kuemerle-Pinillos, a PhD Level Clinician and Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Speaks About a Narcissist’s Need for a Deep Connection With Others
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Narcissists Use Mirroring, Future Faking, and Love Bombing to Turn Their New Relationships Into Massive Sources of Narcissistic Supply
In order to be in full control of your thoughts, feelings, and emotions, narcissists have to trick you into believing that you can safely attach yourself to them.
They typically do this through mirroring and future faking, but we will also walk you through love bombing because it is a very common pattern to see in a narcissistic relationship even though not everyone who have been in a relationship with a narcissist experiences it.
Mirroring
In the narcissistic realm, the term “mirroring” refers to a manipulative process that narcissists use to absorb information about the identity of others and use that information to create a falsified identity that portrays them as “perfect”. An example of this would be a man/woman is on a date with a narcissist and reveals that their sibling died in a car crash 20 years ago.
Mirroring is a tactic that narcissists use to make you feel seen, heard, and understood. It is so powerful because it fills a void in your life. In our article “How Do Narcissists Use Mirroring?“ we explain how it is used in all different types of relationships, but in romantic relationships, mirroring is used to target our desire for true love.
Future Faking
Future faking is when a narcissist makes a false promise in the future to get what they want in the present.
For example, if a narcissist wanted you to give them a thousand dollars and knew that you wanted them to help with your student loans, they could future fake you by saying something like:
The narcissist has no intention to help you with your student loans. They just want the thousand dollars and they are using future faking to manipulate you into giving it to them.
Our article “How to Respond to Future Faking“ has a ton of information that you can use to protect yourself from future faking. It is important that you go check that article out because future faking is such a powerful technique. Narcissists often know exactly what they need to say for it to work because of all the information they gathered about you during the mirroring phase.
Love Bombing
The love bombing phase is an elite form of mirroring and future faking. It is a period of many narcissistic relationships where the narcissist is doing and saying everything that they need to say to trick you into thinking that you can have a happy, secure, and healthy relationship with them.
How are they able to do this?
With the information they gathered about you during the mirroring and future faking phases. They know exactly who they need to be to coax you into allowing them to grasp control of your thoughts, feelings, and emotions. With that being said, the love bombing phase isn’t always sunshine and rainbows.
The type of love bombing phase that you experience is dependent on the void that you have in your life. In our article “How Long Does the Love Bombing Phase Last? (Survey)“ there’s a lot of helpful information about the different types of love bombing, but here’s a quick look at what we are talking about (see below)
What Does the Love Bombing Phase Look Like With Different Types of Narcissistic Personalities?
Mirroring, Future Faking, and Love Bombing Trick People Into Attaching Themselves to the Narcissist
You may be wondering, how does all this manipulation give narcissists the supply that they are looking for when jumping from relationship to relationship?
Well, the answer lies within the impact these manipulation tactics have on those experiencing narcissistic abuse. Have you heard of a theory called cognitive dissonance?
It refers to a theory developed by Leon Festinger that suggests when we experience an inconsistency among information, behavior, and belief it causes us to experience a tremendous amount of psychological tension.
In an attempt to ease this tension, we will change one or more of the elements that are causing the inconsistency to make everything consistent. In narcissistic relationships, cognitive dissonance manifests in the form of the justification, rationalization, and normalization of abuse.
When a narcissist uses mirroring, they are manipulating their way into your subconscious and feeding you information that causes you to think that you are on the same wavelength.
When a narcissist uses future faking, they are moving from your subconscious to your conscious by behaving in a manner that turns the thought of you two being on the same wavelength into something much more like a reality.
The combination of mirroring and future faking gives you the information that you need to have and shows you the behavior that you need to see to develop a belief that the narcissist is someone that you can connect your thoughts, feelings, emotions, needs, wishes, dreams, and aspirations to.
Once this happens, boom, the narcissist has control of your thoughts, feelings, emotions, and needs. You can check out our article “What Is the Devaluation Phase?“ for more information about this but once this happens the narcissist will stop mirroring and future faking and begin to subject you to unfathomable levels of abuse.
The devaluation phase is where a narcissist gets a large amount of narcissistic supply because they will invalidate, devalue, degrade, humiliate, abuse, and manipulate you until you are completely and utterly destroyed. Then they will collect all of their supply and jump into another relationship like nothing ever happened.
What Should You Take Away From This Article?
Narcissists jump from relationship to relationship to get narcissistic supply. They couldn’t care less about the thoughts, feelings, and emotions of others. All they want is to do whatever they want, whenever they want. They lack empathy, they are selfish, they lack the skills needed to have a meaningful connection with someone, and they are abusive.
About the Author
Hey, I’m Elijah.
I experienced narcissistic abuse for three years.
I create these articles to help you understand and validate your experiences.
Thank you for reading, and remember, healing is possible even when it feels impossible.
References:
MacDonald, Pat. “Narcissism in the modern world.” Psychodynamic practice 20.2 (2014): 144-153.
Perrotta, Giulio. “Narcissism and psychopathological profiles: definitions, clinical contexts, neurobiological aspects and clinical treatments.” J Clin Cases Rep 4.85 (2020): 12-25.