5 Reasons Narcissists Sabotage Special Occasions

A member of our community had this question: “Why do narcissists sabotage special occasions?” I searched for answers, and here’s what I found.

Narcissists sabotage special occasions because it makes them feel powerful and in control and allows them to be the center of attention. In addition, if the special occasion isn’t for them or requires some vulnerability, it makes them feel envious and insecure, causing them to lash out in ways that ruin the event.

In this article, I will break this down to help you understand the reasoning behind a narcissist’s tendency to ruin special occasions.

1.) They Want to be the Center of Attention

As a general rule, narcissists need to be the center of attention at all times to feel secure and emotionally stable.¹

This can cause them to ruin special occasions because special occasions, by nature, often focus on someone else or something that is not them. 

For example, imagine it’s your graduation day, a moment you’ve worked hard for and want to celebrate with your family and friends. 

But unfortunately, a narcissistic family member starts a huge argument just as the celebration begins, shifting all the attention onto themselves. 

So now, instead of your achievement being the focus, the occasion becomes about soothing their feelings or addressing their grievances. 

The special day you looked forward to now leaves a bitter taste, overshadowed by the narcissist’s need to be at the center of attention.

Related: 18 Signs That a Narcissist Wants Your Attention

2.) They Want to be In Control and Feel Powerful

For narcissists, being in control of their surrounding environment and feeling powerful is crucial for their overall well-being.²

This is a problem for the rest of us because their pursuit of power and control can, and often does, lead to them ruining special occasions.

Let me explain…

In general, special occasions have some aspects to them that are outside of the narcissist’s control, such as a predetermined schedule or protocol that doesn’t allow for deviation.

As ridiculous as it may sound, it is very common for these uncontrollable aspects to make narcissists feel powerless and insecure.

When this happens, sabotaging the event becomes a way for them to regain control, feel powerful, and soothe their insecurities.

For example, consider a birthday party planned by a group of friends. 

One friend, who has narcissistic tendencies, disagrees with the choice of venue and the guest list but is overruled. 

Instead of compromising, they send out misleading information about the event’s time and location, causing confusion and chaos. 

Why did they do this?

Because it forces everyone to adapt to the narcissist’s terms, thereby restoring their sense of control and dominance over the situation.

Related: 3 Reasons Narcissists Are So Controlling

3.) They’re Envious of Others

Envy is a core characteristic of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).³

It refers to a feeling of discontent, resentment, or longing aroused by someone else’s possessions, qualities, or luck.

You probably already guessed it, but envy is yet another reason narcissists have a tendency to ruin special occasions.

For example, imagine your colleague receives a well-deserved promotion, and the office organizes a small party to celebrate this achievement. 

This celebration makes your narcissistic coworker envious.

So, they decide to start spreading rumors about how the promotion was not earned through hard work but rather through favoritism. 

They do this because they hope to diminish the colleague’s achievement and sow seeds of doubt and negativity.

4.) Others’ Achievements Make Them Feel Insecure

This is by no means an excuse for their behavior, but narcissists struggle with many painful thoughts, feelings, and emotions.

They do a great job maintaining a charming, charismatic, and confident persona, but deep down, they feel unlovable, inadequate, worthless, and weak.⁴

Because of this, narcissists tend to view others’ achievements as a reflection of their own perceived inadequacies. 

So when special occasions celebrate someone else’s success, narcissists often try to ruin the event to feel better about themselves.

For example, let’s say you’ve been awarded “Employee of the Month,” and your family decides to organize a small gathering to celebrate. 

Feeling overshadowed, your narcissistic partner begins to trivialize the achievement by claiming the selection process is rigged.

They even go as far as mentioning their own “amazing” achievements in an attempt to minimize yours so they can feel better about themselves.

This behavior not only ruins the celebratory mood but also reflects the narcissist’s inability to manage their insecurities healthily.

Related: Why Do Narcissists Want You to Fail?

5.) They Fear Vulnerability

I hinted at this in the previous section, but despite their confidence and arrogance, narcissists feel very insecure and have low self-esteem.

Because of this, they fear any type vulnerability. They worry that if they open up, others might see their hidden flaws or, even worse, reject them.

Sometimes, special occasions require people to express genuine emotions, connect on a deeper level, and acknowledge their weaknesses.

Think retirement parties, wedding ceremonies, family reunions, etc.

Unsurprisingly, these types of occasions can be terrifying for narcissists, causing them to sabotage to protect themselves and their interests.

For example, say you’re hosting a family reunion to celebrate your parents’ wedding anniversary. 

It’s a time for heartfelt speeches and reminiscing about fond memories. 

A narcissistic sibling, uncomfortable with these emotional displays, starts mocking the speeches and derailing conversations to avoid any deep emotional engagement. 

Their behavior creates an awkward atmosphere, preventing the family from experiencing the emotional depth of the occasion. 

This scenario highlights the narcissist’s discomfort with vulnerability, leading them to sabotage the event to feel better about themselves.

What Should You Take Away from This Article?

Narcissists sabotage special occasions because doing so makes them feel powerful and in control and allows them to be the center of attention.

But those aren’t the only reasons.

If the special occasion isn’t for them or requires some vulnerability, narcissists end up feeling envious and insecure and, as a result, lash out in ways that ruin the event.

Thank you for taking the time to engage with this content.

If you have any questions or if you have insights you’d like to share, the comments section below is the perfect place for that. I’d love to connect with you.

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