Narcissistic parents often exhibit a range of traits that are both damaging and difficult to recognize, especially when you first start looking back on your childhood.
These traits can manifest in various ways, including:
- Displaying a grandiose sense of self-importance
- Being preoccupied with fantasies of success or power
- Exhibiting a strong sense of superiority
- Feeling entitled to special treatment
- Having an excessive need for admiration
- Exploiting others for personal gain
- Lacking empathy for others
- Demonstrating arrogance in their behavior
- Being envious of others or believing others are envious of them
In this article, I’ll break down each of these traits to help you understand the signs of a narcissistic parent and how these behaviors might have affected you growing up.
1. Displaying a Grandiose Sense of Self-Importance
The first trait of narcissistic individuals is a grandiose sense of self-importance.
This means they see themselves as more important or special than others and often expect to be treated that way.
In a family setting, this might manifest as a parent who constantly talks about their achievements, downplays the successes of others, or expects special treatment from everyone, including their own children.1
For example, your parent might have insisted that their career, opinions, or hobbies were far more important than anything you or other family members were involved in.
Internally, this trait can cause you to feel like your own accomplishments are insignificant or that no matter what you do, it’s never enough to earn your parent’s approval or attention.
2. Preoccupied With Grandiose Fantasies
The second trait is being preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, or beauty.
This means the narcissistic individual often imagines themselves achieving greatness or being admired by many, even if it’s unrealistic.
In a family setting, this might manifest as a parent who frequently talks about grand plans or future successes that never materialize or who lives in a world of “what could be” rather than focusing on reality.
For instance, they might have constantly talked about how they were destined for greatness or how the family would one day live a lavish lifestyle but never took realistic steps to achieve these dreams.2
Internally, this trait can cause you to feel overlooked or unimportant, as your parent’s focus on their fantasies may have made it seem like your needs and desires were secondary or invisible.
Suggested Reading: Why Do Narcissists Fantasize?
3. Exhibiting a Strong Sense of Superiority
The third trait is a pervasive sense of superiority. This means they believe they are better than others and look down on those they consider inferior.
In a family setting, this might manifest as a parent who insists on associating only with people they consider of high status or who frequently criticizes others for not meeting their standards.3
For example, your parent might have discouraged you from having certain friends or pursuing activities they deemed “beneath” them or the family.
Internally, this trait can lead to feelings of inadequacy or self-doubt, as you might have internalized the belief that you, too, need to be “better” to be worthy of love and acceptance.
4. Having an Excessive Need for Admiration
The fourth trait of narcissistic individuals is an excessive need for admiration.
This means they constantly seek praise and validation from others and may feel deeply upset or angered if they don’t receive it.
In a family setting, this might manifest as a parent who demands constant attention and compliments or who becomes irritated when they don’t feel appreciated.4
For instance, they might have frequently sought your approval or praise, needing you to reassure them of their importance or success.
Internally, this trait can cause you to feel pressured to meet their emotional needs, possibly leading to feelings of exhaustion or resentment as you constantly try to satisfy their demands for admiration.
Suggested Reading: What Do Narcissists Want? (5 Things)
5. Having a Strong Sense of Entitlement
The fifth trait is a strong sense of entitlement.
This means they believe they deserve special treatment and that others should meet their needs and desires automatically.
In a family setting, this might manifest as a parent who expects unquestioning compliance with their demands, regardless of how unreasonable they may be.5
For example, they might have expected you to drop everything to cater to their needs or to always put their wishes before your own.
Internally, this trait can make you feel like your own needs and boundaries don’t matter, potentially leading to issues with self-worth and the ability to assert yourself in relationships.
6. Exploiting Others for Personal Gain
The sixth trait is being interpersonally exploitative.
This means they use others to achieve their goals or satisfy their desires, often without considering the impact on the other person.
In a family setting, this might manifest as a parent who manipulates or pressures you into doing things that benefit them, often at your expense.6
For instance, they might have used your achievements to boost their social status or demanded that you take on unreasonable responsibilities or tasks for your age.
Internally, this trait can cause you to feel used or devalued, leading to confusion about your own needs and a sense of guilt or obligation that may be hard to shake.
Suggested Reading: 96 Manipulation Tactics Narcissists Use
7. Displaying a Lack of Empathy
The seventh trait of narcissistic individuals is a lack of empathy.
This means they are unable or unwilling to recognize or care about the feelings and needs of others.
In a family setting, this might manifest as a parent who dismisses your emotions, ignores your pain, or fails to provide comfort when you need it.7
For example, if you were upset about something, they might have told you to “get over it” or acted as if your feelings didn’t matter.
Internally, this trait can cause you to feel emotionally neglected or misunderstood, leading to struggles with expressing your emotions or forming deep, trusting relationships with others.
Free Class: How to Rebuild Trust (In Others)
8. Demonstrating Arrogance in Their Behavior
The eighth trait is arrogance.
This means they have an inflated sense of superiority and often behave condescendingly or dismissively toward others.
In a family setting, this might manifest as a parent who belittles your opinions mocks your mistakes, or acts as if they are always right and everyone else is wrong.8
For instance, they might have dismissed your ideas or interests as trivial compared to their own.
Internally, this trait can cause you to feel insignificant or insecure, as you may have internalized their arrogance as a reflection of your own worth, leading to self-doubt and low self-esteem.
9.) Envious of Others or Believes Others Are Envious of Them
The ninth trait is being envious of others or believing that others are envious of them.
This means they may feel envy towards those who have things they desire or may assume that others are envious of them because of their perceived superiority.
In a family setting, this might manifest as a parent who criticizes or undermines others who are successful or who frequently insists that people are “jealous” of their achievements.
For example, they might have downplayed or sabotaged your accomplishments out of envy or claimed that others were envious of your family’s status.
Internally, this trait can create confusion or anxiety, making you question the motives of others and struggle with trusting them, or it may have led you to minimize your successes to avoid conflict or jealousy.
Final Thoughts
Recognizing the signs of a narcissistic parent is the first step toward healing.
But before you go, I have two gifts for you.
The first is, “A Complete Guide to Narcissistic Families“ by Andre O’Donnell.
In that free course, he teaches everything you need to know about narcissistic families.
The second is our interview of Leanne Cameron.
She’s a Registered Counseling Therapist from Canada with over 50 years of experience with narcissistic parents in both her personal and professional life.
In the video, she explains the behavior patterns that these types of parents typically engage in.
Enjoy!
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About the Author
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I experienced narcissistic abuse for several years and was shocked by just how common it is. I create these articles to spread awareness.
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